Uranus Butterknife & Melissa Woo

“The Heat hit all the right notes, Kesler finally hits the back of the net, and Francisco Liriano throws a no-hitter.”  In today’s Tim and Sid: Uncut, the first thing I noticed was that portion of the introduction was omitted. For those that live in a box and don’t already know, the Score on SIRIUS radio has moved from channel 98 to channel 158. And much like the team that loses the championship, time to ship those Score T-shirts and swag with “SIRIUS 98” on them to Kenya. Today’s topic once again went right into the killing of Osama Bin Laden. I’m okay with this right now for the fact that at year’s end, this will probably be one of the stories of the year – if not “the” story. Chat focused around the name given to the operation that was responsible for the capture and death of Osama Bin Laden – Operation Neptune. Sid said he did some research but found absolutely nothing other than information on the mythological character. I did a quick google search and found there’s a comic book (see above) and a children’s computer math game with the same title. Sid (sarcastically) thought the runner-up name for the operation was Uranus Butterknife. This of course brought huge laughs from the boys. From there, questions arose about which planet in the solar system got fucked? Pluto or Uranus (I’m telling you. You have to listen closely at times to keep up with the topics). Tim went silent and refused to respond – but Bronsteter followed up with a response that he “didn’t want to know if Uranus gets fucked”, and Noon thinks that “Uranus gets rubbed gently.” HORNS! LOL. Tim’s only response, “Everyone must of went to funny school.”

Operation MINI
Conversation immediately went into a topic that was touched on briefly in the previous show. Tim was debating whether or not he should get a MINI cooper. Tim’s reasoning is that he’s always been responsible with his purchases of cars. While he likes cars, he’s never been a “huge” car guy and doesn’t need a crazy ride. His family is in the car business, and the purchasing or maintaining of a vehicle was never really that important. He has a nice Vulva for the lady, I mean Volvo, and thinks it might be good to get a vehicle that’s cheap on gas, inexpensive, and easy to get around in. His buddy recently purchased one for $0 down/$350 a month. A deal like that could save Uncle Timmy about $10,000 over a 4 year lease. I’ve included a link for you Tim if you wanted to check out some of the current offers. It sounded like the salesman you spoke with would do anything to sell a car. Anyways, Tim went to the dealership and basically came out of there with the decision that he’s not going to get one. The car was too small, too many options, and was probably not safe for the little person he made. Sid was glad that Tim decided not to get a MINI because “MINI is the car that doesn’t win in a crash.” And who gives a shit if a MINI is urban chique when the chance of survival after a crash is pretty low (I love how the camera pans to the other car going very slow in the video below).

In the end, it appears that Tim will just go back to Ford, pick up a new vehicle, and that will be the end of it. He gets a discount so I couldn’t blame him.

Melissa Woo & the Vancouver Canucks
Finally, after a couple of days of hilarious discussion on the election and Osama, Tim and Sid started to get into some NHL playoff hockey talk. Last night the Canucks upset the Predators in overtime and they now lead the series 2 – 1. Sid mentioned how he felt the crowd looked like puke – hideous, hideous shirts for the fans. However, they were happy to see that Kesler finally showed up offensively and he seems to be one step ahead of the Sedins. Personally, those guys have fallen off the face of the earth. They’re both pulling a “Joey Thornton” (however, JT has stepped up this playoffs). There was some talk of how Nashville’s secondary players are stepping up but Tim still feels that the Canucks should be able to finish the series. “There’s no was way Pekka Rinne keeps this pace up.” But both guys believe the series will be pushed to 6 games. Focus then shifted to the WAS/TBL series. Lightining Strikes! The Capitals are down 3 – 0! The guys wonder if having game 4 the next night after a loss is a good thing – Tim’s not so sure, but Sid is convinced that if you have a shitty showing, you have to get back right in there. It’s the only way to erase a crappy effort. He claims to be experienced in having shitty shifts while at work, only to bounce back with vigor. Some questions about what might transpire if the Capitals were to get kicked out of the Crosby-less playoffs were brought forth. Is Bruce Boudreau done? Which players will be sent packing? Both agree that Bruce will be given the boot – you can’t be #1 for the last few years and not show up in the playoffs. And Boudreau will lick his wounds by taking shots of BBQ sauce at the local bar. (As I’m writing this, Operation Ovie was successful as TBL wins game 4).

During this segment, Tim “The Encyclopedia of National Anthems“, began discussion of the some the anthems that took place the night before in both the NBA and NHL. It appears that the fans at the Miami game did a bad job of singing – well, more like, not very many people sang period. From here, Sid went on a weird rant about a chick from his High School days – Melissa Woo. Melissa was running for student council and just as she got in front of the entire assembly, the “Rick Flair” crowd began pulling the “WOOOOOO!”. The principal attempted to quiet the crowd, asked for respect, but to no avail. He eventually cancelled spares for the rest of the week. A discussion of spares and co-op placements from high school was started – the boys felt that co-op was very similar to masterbating. Noon mentioned that he once worked at a radio station for co-op and felt it was pretty much the same thing.

Interesting Facts from Pizzo’s update:
1. Norm MacDonald, SNL alum, placed a $25,000 bet on Manny Pacquiao to win his upcoming fight. The kicker – if he wins, he only gets $3000 in return. This doesn’t seem to be good gambling. Unless you have a bank roll to do so.
2. It appears that Doug Flutie’s daughter, Alexa Flutie, is going to be on the New England Patriots cheerleading team. The question was who did the boys think was better looking? Alexa Flutie or Bianca La Russa? (her dad is Tony La Russa). Sid went into the other room to investigate and it appears that Alexa is #1 (couldn’t quite make out this section as Sid was speaking off the mic). What was funny though was that some dude named Stratton was asked his opinion on the girls and it appears he was then going to Facebook to jerk off. Who needs pictures when you can have a video. Be the Bull Stratton, be the Bull.

3. Tony Romo is getting married. He tried to keep the wedding date a secret but it seems that a reporter leaked the date. Bitch!

The Big Three vs. The Boston Feeble
It’s been a little while since Tim and Sidizens heard any NBA talk so it was a bonus to hear some playoff chatter. The main topic discussed was regarding the Big Three (Wade, James, & Bosh) and their domininance over the Boston Celtics in the first 2 games. In the first 2 games, Miami’s big 3 have outscored Boston’s big 3 (Pierce, Allen, Garnett), 147 – 86. Sid suggests that Rondo’s play has been subpar and needs to get his ass in gear. The guys hope he finds his form soon as he’s the one advantage that Boston has in the series. Injuries are also starting to pile up for the Celtics and their old bodies are starting to break – in reality, Wade and James alone are outplaying Allen, Garnett, Pierce, and Rondo combined. There was some chat with regards to the free throw line. Tim mentioned that the home team seems to get more trips to the free throw line than the visiting team. When the series shifts to Boston, he wonders if that will even up. Let’s hope so for the Celtics sake.

There was some small discussion about the Thunder and Grizzlies series. But in reality, there really didn’t need alot. The series is tied 1 – 1, and it was obvious what OKC’s game plan for game 2 was – Shut down Gasol and Z-Bo. But the Thunder better be careful. Memphis climbed back into the game after being down by 21 and if it wasn’t for OKC’s bench play, they could easily be down 0 – 2 with the series shifting to Memphis. Thank God for Harden and Maynor.

Rapid Fire
Congrats to Bronsteter for bringing another line-up of great questions. Very rarely do we see any that require a WTF? When he’s on his game, he’s on fire. Today’s questions included:
What is the best comic book based movie of all time? Sid loved the X-Men. What the hell? I have to go with Nolan’s Batman films.
Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon just announced the names of their baby twins – Monroe and Moroccan. Which kid got the better name? I think both of these names are a fail. Monroe for a girl? And an adjective/cultural name for a kid? #fail – but if I did have to choose, it goes to Monroe.
Miley Cyrus recently covered Nirvana’s “Smells Like Teen Spirit” at a recent concert. Cut or Uncut? CUT all around. I agree, if you ever portrayed a fictional character like Hannah Montana, you shouldn’t be singing these kind of songs. Stick with the NKOTB catalouge.

Good show for a Wednesday afternoon. The chat about Tim’s car situation was amazing. MINI’s would only be the car of choice if you could actually use them like you see in the movies. And since that ain’t happein’ on the streets of TO, it would be CUT if Tim got a Cooper. Boys get a 10/10 on the Uranus chat. HORNS!


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