Hainser’s Corner #2
Great Hainser’s Corner today. Hains seemed to lengthen his answers a bit more than usual. He loves the word “uh”.
1. Is that a cold sore on your face? “uh, yes. Yes it is Sidney.”
2. Star Jones? “That fat bitch? Are you for real? Where’d she come from? uh, uh, she’s half the size she used to be, but she’s still a big girl man. And who is that dude that she was apparently married too? Wow, what a story there.”
3. Lebron James? “Well, you won buddy, but it’s not over yet, ‘kay. Keep on puttin’ in the work and I’ll give you some credit.”
4. Pakistan? “Traitors, uh, two-faced. They knew where Bin Laden was that whole time. They didn’t want to tell us. He was playing Caw (not a typo, just Hainser’s pronunciation) of Duty in a mansion.”
5, Derrick Rose? “That guy’s a beast. Enough said. He is the best player in the NBA right now.”
6. Kim Jong-il? “Got any movies you want to lend me buddy?”
7. FIFA? …..no fucking clue what he said here…..“you got problems dude.”
* Hainser got out of hand here and started plugging his show Red Heat – with guests Raffa Torres (again, pronunciation). But hey, it’s his show, he can do whatever he wants.
8. Do you have a girlfriend? “No.”
9. Tiger Woods? “Tiger woods, uh, this guy should just sit at home on the couch, take it easy for a year. Let the press die down, let his mental faculties recover and his physical uh, uh, his body. I mean, he’s been through a lot. He needs to recover from all these surgeries. Stop pushin’ it buddy.”
10. Tornados? “Tornados, uh, well, one of the most deadliest storms you can ever see. When have I ever run into a tornado? Have you seen the movie twister dude? That movie probably scares people.”
11. Ryan Hains? “Well, uh, producer par excellence at the Score’s SIRIUS Radio.”