Hainser’s Corner #5
Woo! Another edition of Hainser’s Corner this afternoon. Apparently Pizzo lost his voice over the weekend (could of been the beers he was downing for his brother’s birthday) and was absent for today’s mid-show update – so what a better way to kill some time than to bring in The Fact, The Baby, The Unavoidable, Hainser!
Before the guys had a chance to begin though, Hainser once again went off course and started some random rant. The guys tried to stop him, but he managed to get out a “Who knew John Noon was Harold Hussein? Holy Crap!” Sid had no idea what the hell he said, but Tim gave him thumbs up for the comment, “I like that. That was pretty solid.” Tim figured they should allow Hainser the chance to get at least one sentence in before the beginning of each HC! Which I thought was a great idea for this segment.
1. Kim Kardashian? “I should of said that she was the hottest Kardashian last week. That was uh, a mistake of mine. I actually meant Kourtney, I’d bang her….” (Sid: Okay, that was over 140 characters, shut the fuck up.) “Moving on.”
2. Obama names his Joint Chiefs, Hainser thinks____________?” He has to of done a better job than George W. uh, because Rumsfeld was a loser.” (Sid: He took the words right out of my mouth.)
3. New coach of the Lakers, announcement tomorrow at Noon Eastern, Mike Brown? Yeah, you’re now Kobe’s bitch. Get used to it.” (Sid: He’s pretty good this week)
4. Sepp Blatter? “Dude, are your pockets big enough for those bribes you’re takin’ cause that’s a lot of scrilla.” (Sid: I love when you directly talk to the people.) (Tim: Hold on, a lot of what?) “Scrilla, money.” (Tim: Thanks for the translation.) “Yeah, yeah, yeah.”
5. If the Score had mandatory drug testing, would you pass? “No.” (Sid: Okay.)
6. Biggest choke in sports history? “uh geez, um – how about the Boston, uh, uh, the New York Yankees when they lost to Boston.” (Tim: 2004 ALCS) “Yeah, yeh.” (Sid: I didn’t think you were going to get there but you got there eventually.)
7. Three years ago at the Score’s Holiday Party, did you steal my pants and give them to Rob Pizzola? “Yes! Absolutely, and I told you about it so…” (Sid: Didn’t tell me at all.) (Tim: You know what, I need to hear this story.) (Sid: You heard it like 30 times.) (Tim: No, no, I need to hear it from him. What possessed you to go get Sid’s pants?)
* A little back story…at a Christmas Party sometime ago, Rob Pizzola went up to Sid later in the evening and told him he was wearing Seixeiro’s pants. Rob told him that he spilt some stuff on his pants and Hainser brought him a pair of Sid’s from one of the racks.
Hainser:“Well, um, these were my early, um, days here at the Score so I needed to make sure Rob Pizzola was taken care of man. And um, he walked in, in these friggin’ like, capri pants, literally. It was like 5 inches above his ankle. He looked god-awful that day and he didn’t realize that, um, dub, a holiday party.”
Sid: Wait a second. He said that he spilled some shit on his pants. So you’re saying that never happened?
Hainser: “Oh no, he was wearing capri pants.”
Sid: So he was wearing vagine pants?
Hainser: “Yes, 5 inches above the ankle man. It was not a good look.”
Sid: Fuck Tyler Hamilton, this is 60 Minutes right here.
Hainser: “So, so, in the, I wanted to help the guy out – he wanted to go to the Christmas Party and he said, get me a, you know, can we find me a pair of pants? I didn’t say I was gonna go to the rack to steal yours, I just said okay, I’ll go find yourself a pair of pants. So I went to the rack, stole yours, gave them to him, and we all went to the party.”
Tim: But did you know you were stealing Seixeiro’s pants?
Hainser:“No, it was all toss aways, discards.”
Tim: What you’ve been told Sid is bullshit. I have just got you the true story.
Sid can’t believe it. It turns out that Pizzola had to change his pants because he looked like a vagine – not because he spoiled his pants. Hainser was just helping the guy out – Full horns for the baby head.
Hainser: “I’m a man of action! I wanted to make it happen and get us to the party. It was good times.”
Either way, you’ve been wrong all this time Sid….Time to treat Baby Hainser to a brewskie.
* For photo purposes, let’s hope this IS the real Rob Pizzola.