Hainser’s Corner: Epis. 10 “Hainser Tries To Steal A Bagel”

Hainser’s Corner #10

Is Hainser stealing bagels at Tim Hortons?

Sid: “Why are you openinig the computer? Close the computer. You don’t need it. You don’t need the computer.”
Tim: “You always turn on the computer.”
Sid: “Yes, You always turn on the computer.”
Hainser: “I always feel more comfortable if it’s on and it’s open.”
Tim: “Okay.”
Sid: “Hainser is in studio. Hainser by the way, hasn’t been with us the past few weeks. He was Juror #7 in the Casey Anthony Trial.”
Hainser: “Boy, ever fuck that shit up hey? How’d they let her go man?”
Sid: “They didn’t have enough evidence fuck.”
Tim: “Did you get some tail at least?”
Hainser: “You look up infanticide on google and, ah, i guess…”
Sid: “You didn’t hear a thing in that trial. You stared at her tits the entire time. Just admit it.”
Hainser: “I did not. No…No. How’d you like her Pirate shirt when she went for the, uh..that day when…uh.”
Sid: “Do you know what? Shut the fuck up for a second.”
Tim: “The verdict? Is that what you’re trying to get at?”
Hainser: (laughing) “Yeah, Yeah.”
Tim: (laughing) “I gotcha.”
Sid: “What’d he try to say?”
Tim:  “He tried to say verdict.”
Sid: “But what did he say?”
Hainser: “Pirate shirt she was wearing.”
Tim: “Well, he just…”
Sid:(interrupting) “Oh, you said Pirate shirt and all of a sudden it was verdict day?”
Tim: “He was searching for the word as if he was Eric Lindros…”
Hainser: “Oh shut up!”
Tim: “…that just got hit by Scott Stevens.”
Sid: “Did you listen to the front of the show Hainser?”
Hainser: “No.”
Sid: “Somebody sent Tim and I on twitter this today. Hainser tried to steal my bagel at the Timmies on King.”
Tim: “Respond to this.”
Hainser: (laughing) “Really?”
Sid: “We got this today.”
Hainser: “That’s quite possible.”
Tim: (laughing hysterically)
Hainser: “It could be quite possible. Sure I got my friggin’ English muffin stolen yesterday morning man.”
Sid: (mockingly) “I hate when my shit gets stoden too.”
Hainser: “I hate that. You got to watch your fuckin’ orders.”
Sid: “Hold on, whoa, whoa, whoa. What happened today with the fuckin’ bagel at Timmies?”
Hainser: “Well, I didn’t steal anyone’s bagel today.”
Tim: “Are you sure about this?”
Hainser: “I didn’t have a bagel today.”
Sid: “According to this tweet from Ryan…”
Tim: “Were you at the Timmies on King today?”
Hainser: “Yes. That’s erroneous” (regarding stealing the bagel).
Sid: “What time were you there? Did he just say erroneous?”
Hainser: “Yes.”
Sid: “What time were you at Timmies?”
Hainser: “Ah…10 past 11.”
Sid: “Did you order a bagel?”
Tim: “That’s four hours ago via web.”
Hainser: “No.”
Sid: “Did anyone around you order a bagel?”
Hainser: “Yeah, I think the person right ahead of me had a bagel.”
Sid: “Did you accidently reach for “said” bagel?”
Hainser: “I did reach for “said” bagel.”
Both Tim and Sid: (screaming) “Then you tried to…..Woooooooo!”
Hainser: (screaming) “No, I didn’t know that was…I thought that was order #21 and my English muffin coming up.”
Sid: (mockingly making Hainser voice) “Stealing. Let me tell you something.”
Hainser: “How’d this guy know who i was?”
Sid: “What is this? An Orlando Court room? We got you red-fuckin’ handed dude.”
Tim: “You tried to steal Ryan Mickey C Barron’s bagel.”
Hainser: “In my hast to grab my English muffin, I thought it…that was mine. Mine was #21…came up immediately after that and I guess I might have reached for his bagel. But knowing it wasn’t mine, I stepped back and uh, let him enjoy his food. That’s the kind of guy I am.”
Sid: “That’s terrible dude.”
Tim: (laugihing) “What is the kind of guy that you are?”
Sid: “Trying to steal people’s food and shit? what is wrong with you? That’s a bagel.”
Hainser: “I wasn’t trying to steal the food.”
Sid: “You’re only saying you didn’t try because you didn’t accomplish your goal.”
Tim: “You mistakenly…the English muffin?”
Hainser: “I go with the English muffin toasted with butter each morning.”
Tim: (sounding surprised) “Oh.”
Sid: “Okay.”
Hainser: “I used to go for donuts but shit, that didn’t work.”
Sid: “I know. It went straight to your tits.”
Hainser: “Exactly.”
Tim: (whispering) “It’s the pot that knows it’s kettle.”
Sid: “Whatever. Listen, Ryan sent us the tweet.”
Hainser: “How should…”
Sid: (interrupting) “#OnToTheNextOne.”
Hainser: “Can I ask you guys something?”
Tim: “You can say it. Don’t worry.”
Sid: “Go ahead Hainser. Ask your question.”
Hainser: “How do I make good in this now?”
Sid: “Well the first thing you do is…”
Hainser: (interrupting) “How do I reach out to him?”
Sid: “Okay, can you shut up for 3 seconds? The first thing you do is apologize to this kid. His name is Ryan, so could you apologize to Ryan?”
Hainser: “Can I see…”
Sid: (interrupting) “I just told you his name. You don’t need to see shit. Just say I’m sorry.”
Hainser: “Ryan, I am very sorry..uh…”
Sid: “That I tried to steal your shit.”
Hainser: “I’m very sorry that i mistakenly grabbed your bagel or went to grab for your bagel.”
Sid: “You tried to take his shit. Not cool. Keep your hands off people’s food.”
Hainser: “Yes.”
Sid: “It’s very rude. Don’t do it again.”
Hainser: “I’m an asshole.”
Tim: “Plug his…here…plug his blog.”
Sid: “Who’s blog?”
Tim: “His blog.”
Sid: “Oh Ryan? Ryan’s got a blog?”
Hainser: (sarcastically) “Oh, you mean the Mickey C’s Sports and Business blog? It’s a winner.”
Tim: (laughing)
Sid: (still confused) “Wait. Who’s blog? Is this Hainser’s blog?”
Hainser: “The site is Mickey C’s Sport and Business blog by Ryan Barron.”
Tim: “And what does it say up here?”
Sid: “The site where people can go to see it is kinda what i was getting at.”
Hainser: (faintly) themicksblog.blogspot.com
Sid: “Can you do it on mic so people can hear you?”
Tim: “I think we made good on it.”
Sid: “Yeah, I think we’re cool.”
Hainser: “One last thing. @Rynohainser on twitter. Add me.”

Ryan did follow up during the show and gave the following response.


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