Hainser’s Corner: Epis. 11 “Hainser Saunters Over For A Beer”

Wow! A great “Law & Order” Hainser’s Corner from last Wednesday. It was the first day back from break for Tim and Sid: Uncut and already the boys are rippin’ on Hainser, but for good reason. Micallef didn’t seem like he was too interested at the time as he wanted to jump right into sports, but Noon was giving Sid a “huge” thumbs up, begging for the Hainser/Diesel story.

Sid: “Back from an eventful three weeks in Norway is Ryan Hains.”
Hainser: (sarcastically) “You’re back? The show’s back?”
(The guys start laughing at Sid’s Norway joke)
Sid: “Too soon Noon? Too soon?”
Tim: “I could hear Noon’s laugh through the glass.”
Sid: “So I’m going to set the stage Hainser…”
(The guys continue to laugh at the Norway joke)
Hainser: “Get on with it.”
Sid: “Did you go to Diesel? Club, bar, whatever the fuck you call it downtown. Did you try to go to Diesel?”
Hainser: “No.”
Sid: “What are you talking about? Do you want to hear the story I fuckin’ heard about you?”
Hainser: (sounding like a pussy) “Man, there’s so many stories that’s flowing around about me that aren’t true.”
Sid: “They aren’t flowing.”
Hainser: “Floating.”

The story goes that last Thursday during the heat wave, Hainser caught wind that Molson M were giving away free beer (4 Tall Boys) down by the Diesel Playhouse. Hainser apparently shot off like a bat out of hell in hopes of scoring some cold beverages. Unfortunately for him though, when he got down there and tried to get a free beer, he was denied because he didn’t have his ID on him. Sid attempts to get the truth again.

Sid: “Did you try and get a free beer Thursday in that heat wave somewhere?”
Hainser: “No.”
Sid: “Really.”
Hainser: “No. I drank some beer but I didn’t get any free ones.”
Sid: “So you didn’t try to get into a place, not have your ID, and they wouldn’t serve you because you look like you have a 4-year olds head? That didn’t happen?”
Hainser: “No. Absolutely not.”

(You can hear the door open here and Pizzo rushes in with his take on the story.)

Pizzo: “Are you actually saying you didn’t do this Hains? This is Pizzo by the way. I was in theScore news room and people were talking how Molson was giving away free beer across, right near the…”
Hainser: “Oooooh..d-d-d-d..oh Diesel Playhouse!”
Pizzo: “I said there’s free beer at Diesel and I’ve never seen anyone run that fast in my entire life.”
Hainser: “I sauntered over.”
Tim: “So you sauntered over?”
Hainser: “Yes.”
Pizzo: “That’s a quick saunter.”
Tim: “So you became Bruny Surin?”
Hainser: “Bruny Surin, he’s a hell of a sprinter man. Good times that relay team hey?”
Tim: “Yeah, Glenroy.”
Sid: “What are you talking about? No one gives a shit about your Atlanta memories.”
Tim: “Come on.”
Sid: “Yeah, Saturday nights in Georgia are great. Continue.”
Hainser: “Yeah, I heard they were giving away free beer, so I did saunter over quickly and um, I waited in line to procure said beer and uh, when they gave it to me they said no dice because i didn’t have my ID on me.”
Sid: “You’re how old?”
Hainser: “I’m not going to say how old I am.”
Tim: “Why not?”
Sid: “But that’s the best part of the story. You’re about to retire.”
Hainser: “Yeah, I served in ‘Nam man. I’m that old.”
Tim: “He’s 33.”
Sid: “But upon looking at you, I’d think you liked Dora the Explorer. You have a young person’s head – a baby’s head.
Hainser: “Oh geez, we’re talkin’ about my head? How much hair gel you have in right now buddy?”
Tim: “Oh snap!”
Sid: “Hey listen…”
Tim: “Whhhhat! Gloves come off.”
Sid: “Listen, you don’t know what it’s like growing up in Mississauga. You don’t know how it is.”

Hainser goes on to explain that Sid’s question earlier on screwed him up. Sid called it a bar / club and for some reason, Hainser couldn’t tell the difference between Diesel and Diesel Playhouse. Just as Tim gives Bronsteter the finger to wrap it up…

Hainser: @RynoHainser on twitter. Follow Cam Stewart and Red Heat!!!!”

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