NFL Free Agency Continues, The Ugandan Giant, & Bronsteter Can Change His Penis Size

Ochocinco lands in Foxboro.
Vince Young lands in the link.
And Uganda’s Little League team, 
Can’t land in the States.
(Sid: I just threw it in there because I wanted to talk about Kamala.)
(Tim: Yeah?)
(Sid: That’s the only reason I wanted that story.)
(Tim: Will you slap your belly?)
(Tim: Ohhh, Ohhh, Famous run that bitch!”

Welcome to another Tim and Sid: Uncut review folks. The boys had a solid show on Friday and since it was the long weekend, you could tell they were ready to deliver more edu-tainment than sports. Bronsteter was joined by Dave Coulson behind the glass, Tim and Sid were set to go, and “Charlie Chats Up” Noon was on holiday getting shit faced somewhere. Items up for discussion today included: Roy Williams, Roger Clemens, Tiger, Greg Olsen, Colby Rasmus, Canada Basketball, Surveys, Roberto Alomar, and Friday, Friday, Friday. 

Casual Friday and the $43,000 Contractor
Before the boys get into any sport chatter, they both bring up the fact that it’s Friday – it’s the long weekend and both sound pretty excited. Sid drops the news that he’s as relaxed as one could be right now, so relaxed that he showed up today at work with jeans and a t-shirt on. Tim finds it strange because he’s never really seen Sid dress down so to speak; he really hasn’t seen outside the studios. “You came in my backyard once.”, said Tim. “And by backyard, I mean behind the house.”

Conversation between the boys then flows into the recent estimate delivered to him by a contractor. Micallef has a 30-year pool behind his house and problems are starting to arise: the concrete is coming up, his pipes are leaking, and it’s just plain old. And with his little boy growing up, the family is going to want to use it more often in the future. Anyways, he had a contractor come in and after an inspection, he told Tim that it would take about $43,000 to fix it. WTF? That’s more money than I make in a year for christ’s sake. “You might as well purchase a CFL wide receiver for that.”, replied Sid. It’s just a ridiculous price; Sid throws out a challenge to all the TimandSid-izens to help Tim and his pool issue and if they know any pool contractors in the GTA area that are good, let Uncle Timmy know. Tim’s going to try and get some more quotes and hopefully going to get a better deal with someone.

Uganda’s Little League and Kamala

 Kamala Theme Song – WWF

Shitty news for a Ugandan youth baseball team that would have been the first from Africa to play in the Little League World Series. The team was denied visas over players’ age discrepancies this week and won’t be able to enter the States. “You think the Tour of France is crooked? This fuckin’ Little League World Series is the worst thing ever.” Tim sounds just as pissed with the idea and responds with, “To sully a 12-year old baseball game?” Ridiculous! The actual reason that Sid wanted to bring up the topic though is because it would allow him to bring up The Ugandan Giant, Kamala. For those that don’t know, Kamala “James Harris” was an American professional wrestler whose popularity rose when he wrestled in the WWF during the 80’s and ’90’s. The guys reminisce about Kamala, his antics, his new folk singing career, and old school WWF vignettes. Some of Sid’s favourites included those belonging to Mr. Perfect.

Boom Goes the NFL Pen!
Tim and Sid finally break into some great NFL Free Agency discussion. Today is especially important because at 6:01PM ET, signings between players and teams will officially begin. While we’ve been hearing trade rumours and agreements, nothing is final until this evening – “Women be press conferencin'”, cried Sid. Some of the big name players up for discussion and small points made during this segment included:

1. Kevin Kolb is a different bird – he’s left the Philadelphia Eagles for the Arizona Cardinals
2. Nnamdi Asomugha sweepstakes continues: front runners for the cornerback include the New York Jets and Dallas Cowboys (We now know he went to the Philadelphia Eagles)
3. Players in the Jets organization are being asked to restructure their contracts in order to help sign Asomugha: Mark Sanchez volunteered to do it and Darrelle Revis has been asked to do the same thing
4. Sid gives a little shout-out to the Carolina Panthers for some of their moves
5. Tim can’t get over the fact that the Chicago Bears haven’t made any big moves, besides Roy Williams, especially for a team with NFC aspirations, “What are they waiting for?”
6. After the signings of Albert Haynesworth and Chad Ochocinco by the New England Patriots must have sent a buzz through the New York Jets’ offices. Both Tim and Sid believes they’ll be making some moves just to keep up with the Patriots
7. Rumours are that New England’s Belichick is going to make one more run at the Superbowl before he retires
8. Sid attempts to ask Tim to make a prediction who he thinks will be a Superbowl pick in each conference. Tim seems to side step the question and a just lists a few teams who he thinks won’t be there; The Colts for example
9. News is released that Greg Sansone is “tweeting up a fuckin’ storm right now.” If you need to know anything about the NFL free agency, follow this V.P of television

Chad Ochocinco
Tim and Sid do spend some time on one particular deal involving the New England Patriots. Both of them really like the move, especially after seeing the following youtube clip showing the relationship between Belichick and Ochocinco.

According to Sid, it seems like they have a great relationship; they really seem to get along. “There’s a good chemistry there and they look like they’ve known each other for years.”, said Sid. They both also agree that Ochocinco will honour Belichick’s system and will end up being a big asset for Tom Brady. In regards to all the VH1/twitter shit that Chad takes part in, they can see Belichick shutting that stuff down in hopes of getting Chad to just football. There was also quick discussion on Ochocinco, NE’s Aaron Hernandez, and the #85. Right now, Hernandez owns #85 and sits in a great position to get Chad to pay some big dough in order to get the jersey number. “I’m hoping he bent Chad Johnson over.”, cried Tim.

Vince Young

“What do you think  about Young going to the Eagles?”, Tim asks Sid. “Is that not now the most athletic 1-2 QB punch in the history of the fucking planet? You have Vince Young and Michael Vick who can run for days.”, replied Sid. Both guys again seem to like the move and Tim especially feels that if Young can go in there, shut his mouth and just play football, his stock value for the following year can only increase. Bronsteter throws out names like Garcia and Kolb who’ve made it big after being a backup with the Eagles organization, “If you’re a backup quarterback, being in Philly is the place to be.”

Kamala’s Folk Songs
Bronsteter breaks the NFL free agent chatter by playing some of the folk music from Kamala as discussed earlier in the show. The guys can’t believe it’s really him, “This is the same man I once saw bite a man’s forehead open.”, said Sid. You can listen to some of the tunes by clicking here. Tim believes it kind of sounds like Bobby McFerrin, the American grammy winner vocalist and conductor known for his hit, shit song, Don’t Worry Be Happy. “Bobby McFerrin can go fuck himself.”, cried Sid. Tim seems to be giving McFerrin some credit because the singer won a grammy and sells out shows in Europe – he’s huge over there. Bronsteter backs up McFerrin’s popularity by throwing out an interesting statistic: McFerrin won a grammy, but The Who and Jimmy Hendrix never. Sid’s not buying into the hype though, the best memory of McFerrin for him belonged to the episode from Family Guy.

Interesting Facts From Our Boy, Rob Pizzo
Pizzo starts off the show by playing a little Live Bobby McFerrin. I’m pretty sure this isn’t the clip that Rob chose but it gives a good example of how horrible it is. I’m one for singing, not people making dying cat noises.

They boys go on to discuss McFerrin some more and a TimandSid-izen writes in letting us know that McFerrin has actually one 10 grammy awards. Wow! Who knew you could win all those awards by making slurs with your voice. The boys also discuss the fact that McFerrin did the theme song for season 4 of The Cosby Show. There’s mutual love for that show, but it’s agreed upon that once Cousin Pam showed up, it went downhill. Pizzo compared it to jumping the shark. “Fuck Pam, where’s Rudy?”, cried Sid. While Alvin, Theo, and Vince were some of the funnier characters, an all-time favourite had to of been Peter.

1. After being traded to the New England Patriots recently, sources close to Ochocinco say that the wide receiver will do whatever it takes to sport #85 for his jersey. Probably not the best words to use when going into a negotiation. This story reminds Sid of the movie The Fan starring Robert De Niro and Wesley Snipes. During the film, when Juan Primo won’t give up his number to Wesley Snipes, Robert De Niro (The Fan) takes matters into his own hands and kills the guy. Here’s the trailer…

2. The cameras caught New Jersey Nets power forward Kris Humphries declaring his celebrity fiancé Kim Kardashian the second most beautiful woman in the world. For the record, Humphries believes his mom to be the most beautiful. “He’s mom must have nice tits.”, added Sid.

3. If you remember from yesterday, Pizzo announced that Jalen Rose was for a DUI. Well it seems the twitter hate has been pouring in. How does Jalen respond? He deleted the tweet after but I have a screen capture of it below.

Tim and Sid’s ASKMEN.COM
ASKMEN.COM is a men’s online magazine offering the best advice on dating, secrets of love, celebrity biography, relationships and health. The other day, Tim, Sid, Producer Roger Lafleur and Andrea Cuccaro were discussing some of the questions that were asked on the survey. In what I call a hilarious segment and one that MK fully listened to with me, the following items discussed were:

1. Is it important for a girlfriend to have wife potential?
“Bronsteter, I’ll ask you. You used to crush ass.”, Sid.
“And by crushed ass he means masturbate.”, Tim.
Bronsteter answers the question with a “No.”
2. Would you dump a girlfriend if she became fat?
Tim believes that “YES”, he would dump a girlfriend if she became fat and it seems that 47% of men agree with him.
3. Are you comfortable with a partner friending her ex’s on Facebook?
Tim answers “YES” to the question and responds with “I’m confident in my ability to schkeef. I’m not worried.”, cries Tim. 44% of men agree with Micallef.
4. Have you ever lied about the number of sex partners you’ve had?
Tim absolutely refuses to address this question. “I refuse to have this conversation and refuse to have this conversation with my wife. I don’t want to know her number. She shouldn’t want to know my number.” Bronsteter agrees with Tim who goes on to say to guys who think they are going to find a virgin. “You’re not finding a virgin. So guess what, the woman you’re with has been run through before.”
5. Have you ever fantasized about a partner’s friend?
“I’m going to throw in / sister.”, says Sid. 37% of men said “Yes, but I try to avoid it now.” Meaning they wanted to before?
6. Would you be willing to tell your partner that you would like to engage in a fantasy together?
“I don’t like that one.”, responded Tim.
7. Can you tell if a woman is faking an orgasm?
Tim goes on to say that you can’t, but Sid responds with a funny bite, “If a woman tells me she’s having an orgasm, I know she’s lying. I know me.”
8. Have you ever had sex with a co-worker?
Neither one of the guys answer this question but according to Sid, “56% of men said no, but i would if the opportunity.”
9. Is it ever okay to pay for sex?
“I think if you’re a fucking loser with money, it’s fine.”, replies Sid. And Tim follows up with the idea that if you’re going to die a virgin, then yes…you got pay the dough to get some love.
10. Bronsteter, would you change your penis size if you could?
“I can. I just use my hand.”, replies Orville. From hear, you can hear Uncle Timmy mimicking vomiting noises in the background.

They also refer back to the CUT or UNCUT question that was brought up yesterday regarding if it was okay for guys to do yoga? Tim believes that it’s a great spot to meet women, but Sid isn’t buying that theory at all. He believes that the ratio of men to women would be the same if you went to a Backstreet Boys concert. The only question I ask Sid, how do you meet a chick in amongst 20,000 fans screaming the names of said bandmates. They are not looking to fuck you, they’re looking to fuck the boy band. In yoga though, “ladies be wearin'” LuLu Lemon, you’re in a quiet room, sometimes have to partner up, and sometimes you might have to press your crotch against their wonderful lady lumps. It’s a win-win.

They finish up this segment by mentioning that there was a women’s section to this and that they’ll discuss it at a later date to which Bronsteter responds, “Who gives a shit what they have to say.” #WhyDoesBronsteterHateWomen?

Canada Basketball
* I’ll be doing up a separate entry of this discussion….so stay tuned. 

Rapid Fire
Bronsteter seemed to not have a lot of time today, but he still managed to throw out a couple of good questions.
1. Apparently some guy in the States preformed a medical procedure on himself with a butterknife. Which medical procedure scares you most? Tim mentions he had a hernia when he was 3-years old. Probably all of them? I guess any working around the heart, important organs, would scare the shit out of me.
2. On Sunday, the Jays are giving out bobbleheads of Roberto Alomar in honour of his Hall of Fame induction. If you could have a bobblehead of anyone else other than yourself, who would you have? I’m always seeing bobbleheads of male athletes…how about some bobbleheads of women’s beach volleyball players?

3. In a recent New York poll, Derek Jeter and Babe were named the greatest Yankees of all-time ahead of players like Joe Dimaggio and Lou Gehrig. Who do you think is the greatest Yankee of all-time? I agree with Tim and Sid on this one. Lou Gehrig, hands down. The guy played for years with a disease and still produced at the ballpark – he still showed up. He should win for heart alone. To be honest, I’m actually surprised to see Jeter on the list.

Definitely up there for one of the more random episodes of Tim and Sid: Uncut in awhile. From Kamala, Pool, Dress Down Fridays, and ASKMEN.COM, it was filled with more edu-tainment than sports. But I like this…it’s Friday, gives us a break and allows us to just enjoy random shit for a change. The NFL discussion was great though. I had never seen the video of Ochocinco and Belichick before so it was definitely an eye opener to see that particular relationship. It will be interesting to see how it will play out this season. The Bobby McFerrin discussion was hilarious and it brought back memories of The Cosby Show, Peter, and the 80’s. Solid segments by Pizzo and Bronsteter. I think Bronsteter was pumped for the weekend too because our boy was throwing stones and comedy for the whole hour. From crushing ass, to changing his penis size, to hating women, he brought his A+ game. Because MK sat with me during this episode and actually laughed throughout the last 30 minutes and was entertained, 10/10. 


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