Roger Goodell Is The Godfather, Fedor Gets Axed, & Jason Bourne Plays Some Poker With A-Rod

“Tiger’s back.
A-Rod’s got his back up.
And Timmy, isn’t back.
Famous, run that bitch!” 

Good afternoon peeps and happy Thursday. Hopefully everyone in Tim and Sid nation are looking forward to the upcoming weekend. Welcome to the Tim and Sid: Uncut‘s episode review for August 4th, the day we celebrate the birthday of Roger Clemens and mourn the death of Japanese soccer player, Naoki Matsuda. Sid is once again flying solo in the radio booth, Tim continues to be home laid out, Bronsteter is looking for calendar iPhone apps., and Dave Coulson – the man of many talents – fills in for Johnny “drinks a lot” Noon. Items up for discussion today that may or may not be addressed include: Charles Barkley, World Cup Qualifying, Fedor, Hot Bodies, Pippa, SIRIUS, Roger Goodell, A-Rod, Doug Fister, and Breaking News. 

As mentioned in the introduction, Tim Micallef is once again absent. Our boy is still at home curled up in a ball thanks to a bout of food poisoning. The breaking news today comes from a couple of TimandSid-izens:
Sean via Twitter: “Stock rises in ass cream as Tim Micallef’s asshole expands for the third day in a row.”
John via Email: “Tim now has pinkeye #shitty” “If you mean pinkeye of the intestine, you’re absolutely right.”, responded Sid.
Stephen via Twitter: “Tim, can you veto Sid Seixeiro from playing the sounds regarding yesterday’s podcast. I’m fine with fart jokes but #growuppeterpan.” Sid responds to Stephen’s concern by saying that he had nothing to do with the soundbites. “I want to say on air, it was all Bronsteter’s idea completely. I’m a bit more mature than that.”

Goodella The Hun & The NFL
As mentioned on Tim and Sid: Uncut last week, it was announced that the NFL lockout was over and free agency could begin. While many thought the lockout was officially over, the matter wasn’t completely closed. The settlement between the players and owners was done, but the actual collective bargaining agreement wasn’t quite completed as there were a few issues the two sides could only discuss once the players returned to union status:
1. Personal Conduct Policy. For years now, players have been upset about the policy because as it stands now, Roger Goodell is the“judge, jury, and executioner on any untoward incident that’s off the field.” said Sid. Players were demanding or wanted some sort of third-party to determine discipline.
2. Drug Testing. The NFL were attempting to install a system of testing for athletes.

Results: According to Sid, players in the agreement were supposedly going to fight and try to get a third party to help determine discipline. What did players learn today? “Goodell is God – nothing’s changing.” So much for what players were saying over the last three months. And with regards to the second issue? Today in the NFL, a new drug testing policy was introduced; specifically for HGH. For the first time in history, a North American league will be doing blood testing. Sid goes on to say that it will be an annual, random blood test for players that will happen with the Player’s Union consent. “I think the NFL is ready to drop the needle on the players so to speak.”, said Sid. “And the whizzinator really isn’t much of a factor anymore.” Sid believes this is huge news because for the last few months, the Player’s Union swore they’d fight for these two things and now “they got takin’ to the fuckin’ cleaners.” “They essentially decided to take money over freedoms.”, replied Bronsteter. The boys go on to discuss how this will effect the other leagues. There’s going to be meetings in the NHL, MLB, and the NBA (in the next CBA) shortly in an attempt to try and mimic what Roger Goodell was just able to pull off.

Fister! Furbush! WINNING!
Before Sid gets into more news from the sports world today, he quickly gave a shout out and congratulations to Doug Fister and Charlie Furbush. Since being traded to their respective teams, both players took to the mound and collected W’s. “Furbush trimmed down the opposition.”, said Sid. A TimandSid-izen was also good enough to send the show Jim Leyland’s quote after Doug Fister’s win for the Detroit Tigers, “That Fister is pretty good at making batters mishit the ball.” Sid goes on to say that “Of his 99 pitches, only 26 were balls.”

The Myth, The Legend, Fedor Emelianenko Is Released
The next topic up for discussion between the boys was the recent news that Fedor Emelianenko has been released and no longer has a job with Strikeforce. After his loss to Dan Henderson this past weekend, reporters were just waiting for Dana White to make the announcement. From the sound of Sid’s voice, the firing is bittersweet for him but he understands that losing three fights in a row, in a promotion fight, is not the way to go if you want to stay employed. I have to side with Sid on this one – Fedor went up against some of the best fighters in the world and never lost a fight for seven years. He was practically a myth, a legend, a god-like figure for a period of time. But now? Not so much unfortunately and now that’s he’s been released from Strikeforce, what does he do next? “If you’re a free agent and you have an axe to grind with Dana White, that’s a problem.”, said Sid.

Dave Coulson went on to give his two cents and noted that Fedor’s contract is currently with Showtime. M-1 Global still has one show left with Showtime that was part of Fedor’s contract so there’s a possibility that M-1 Global will probably have Fedor on their next event. And if they want to give the UFC the finger, maybe they’ll match him up with Alistair Overeem. Sid and Bronsteter can see that fight being a draw but then what? Both go to Japan? Either way I don’t think Dana White will care; as far as he’s concerned, he’s done with the both of them. Bronsteter brings up an interesting point though – It’s strange the way that Fedor lost the way he did in the last three fights, he lost three ways that people said he couldn’t be beat: Submission, Doctor Stoppage, and Knockout.

Spiderman, Jason Bourne, and The Alex Rodriguez Gambling Update
Before Coulson’s Updates, Sid quickly brings up the story the boys were talking about yesterday regarding the gambling allegations towards the New York Yankees’ Alex Rodriguez. More news surfaced today from the story that reported that the other people at the poker table with A-Rod were Tobey Maguire, Ben Affleck, Matt Damon, and Leonardo DiCaprio. “That’s a power table. You have Spiderman, King of the World, Matt Damon, and Ben Affleck, who piggy-backed Matt Damon to an Oscar.” While A-Rod’s publicists are denying the story, Sid goes on to say that he sees MLB’s concern, but still sees no issue if he was playing poker.

Interesting Facts From Dave Coulson’s Updates
If you missed yesterday’s show, Pizzo let the TimandSid-izens know that he was off to Mexico for the next couple of weeks for his brother’s wedding.“Pizzo is in Mexico taking care of some cartel business.” said Sid. So for today’s updates, Dave Coulson, the Double Dipper, a versatile human being, the Bo Jackson of Tim and Sid: Uncut, will be providing the half-time news.
1. While some NBA players are heading overseas for work, the Bucks’ Brandon Jennings is doing something completely different. The “Curator of Cool” is taking an internship with Under Armour and is receiving some pretty sweet perks. He’s gets access to the CEO’s jeep, a name plate that reads “Curator of Cool”, use of Under Armour’s workout facility, and a condo. Coulson goes on to say that Jennings is also helping develop a new sneaker fashioned after the bumper of a Bugatti luxury car.
2. Boxing superstar Manny Pacquiao’s popularity continues to rise as he gets another boost with his rendition of Dan Hill’s hit “Sometimes When We Touch”. The song has just hit #10 on the Adult Contemporary Music Charts this week.

3. “Do you ride a bike Sid?” asked Coulson. “I have a car. I’m a grown-up.” replied Sid. Coulson goes on to ask Sid if he gets pissed off by bicyclists on the side of the road? Sid goes on to say that he only gets mad at the dudes who weave in and around traffic and the guys who think they’re “Johnny Tour de France”. “I hope both of them get run over.” cried Sid. The reason for the line of questioning by Coulson was that it appears a bicyclist took matters into his own hands in retaliation. Infuriated with motorists parking their luxury cars illegally around the capital of Vilnius, the Mayor, Arturas Zuokas took the drastic step of driving an armoured vehicle over a Mercedes Benz, which was parked in a cycle lane. “Sounds like something Rob Ford would do.” responded Sid.

4. Jersey Shore 4 airs tonight on MTV. The guidos take over Italy.

TimandSid-izens Deliver Some Twitter Feedback
Jay Glazer via Twitter: The NFL Collective Bargaining Agreement has been ratified.
Dave via Twitter: Requested a 21st Birthday shout-out. Sid did just that.
Logan via Twitter:  Jesse Litsch reminds me of you. Looks like he doesn’t really do the whole “diet” thing either #MaryBrowns #FatFuck
Michael via Twitter:
Canada’s Wonderland can go fuck itself. In response to this tweet, Bronsteter goes on to say that he used to work at Canada’s Wonderland – he used to work at the Guess Your Weight Scale. Apparently he would never guess above 180lbs for the ladies, even when girls at least 350lbs rolled on the scale.
Brent via Twitter: Hey Sid, your boy Ice Cube is in the Deion Sanders Hall of Fame documentary. Bronsteter brings up the fact that it’s pretty ironic considering they were talking about how crappy his documentaries were. “If you’re anywhere near the California area, Ice Cube is a source. You can’t get away from Ice Cube.” said Sid.
TimSidizen via Email via Phil Peoples via Facebook: Phil, a huge fan of Tim and Sid: Uncut doesn’t have twitter so he asked if I could send the link on to the boys. It was a list for the hottest celebrity body – winner being Helen Mirren. Sid’s a fan of the GILF, but he’s not sure she should be at the top of any list. You could click here for a list of some other women voted to have hottest body. But according to Sid, “No poll like this should take place unless Selma Hayek is in the poll. Did you see her on Ugly Betty?”

Tiger Woods Debuts A Goatee
All eyes were on Tiger Woods today as he was competing in his first golf tournament in awhile. Woods, coming off a three month lay-off was competing in the Bridgestone Invitational this week. As of right now, Jason Day leads the pack with 10-under and Tiger is sitting at 2-under. Not typical Tiger, but it is his first day – it’ll be interesting to see how his second day goes. At least he made it through the first round.

Greg Sansone Tweet Watch

Canada’s 2014 World Cup Qualifying Schedule
* See previous post for full details of Seixeiro’s Soccer Canada speech. 

Rapid Fire
A huge Rapid Fire from Bronsteter today as it includes CUT or UNCUT questions from TimandSid-izens around the nation. Topics include Chicken, Beer, Pizza Toppings, and Debit Cards.
1. Giving a beer your buddy just bought you to a girl that you’re trying to pick up. CUT or UNCUT? If I was not “engaged”, I think my buddy would have no problem with me giving a beer to a chick in order to get some – he’d actually be proud to have helped – UNCUT.
2. Booing a player at practice. CUT or UNCUT? Completely CUT. It’s practice and if you enjoy watching practice while being a boob, security should throw you out.
3. Paying for a slurpee with a debit card. CUT or UNCUT? UNCUT – I’ve bought $2 coffees at Starbucks. I never have cash.
4. Shitting at the club. CUT or UNCUT? UNCUT as long as you wipe.
5. Eating just the skin off KFC chicken. CUT or UNCUT? CUT. You can’t leave any meat on the bone…complete Foss if you do.
6. Pizza places that say a gourmet topping counts as two toppings. CUT or UNCUT? CUT. All toppings should be equivalent.
7. Couples sharing a Facebook account. CUT or UNCUT? CUT! This is complete CUT. If a girl asks you she wants to share a FB account, it means she doesn’t trust you and vice versa. Get out of the relationship.

Great show by the boys today. I don’t know what it is, but it seems like each episode keeps getting bigger and bigger. I used to do reviews that included roughly 1000 words, but over the past month, I’ve consistently hit over 2500 – I need to soon quit my job if they start getting any bigger. Awesome show though – I’m beginning to miss Tim but Sid is doing a great job by himself – he’s a solid A+. Great opening about Tim – again I like the fan interaction. Solid breakdown by the boys on the Roger Goodell and Fedor stories; I was impressed with Dave Coulson’s knowledge of MMA and his updates today. Where the “F” has this kid been? I’ve heard him fill in for Noon before but he’s hardly said anything before – representin’ KW. Best part of the day though belonged to Sid’s rant on Canada’s Soccer. Our boy threw down and hopefully people listen and get out to BMO to support the soccer team. Hey, my chick hates soccer but she loves going to Toronto FC games for the beer and fresh air. It’s a great way to hang out! Huge CUT or UNCUT by Bronsteter – I think this was one of the biggest Rapid Fire segments in awhile. For the amount of content, Salma’s breasts, and Sid’s rant – 10/10.


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