Chyna & Sid’s Left Nut

“The Mavs are four wins away from their goal, it was a goal fest in Tampa, plus should TFC give up a goal? on purpose? It’s gonna be one of those.”

Ah, Thursday afternoon….meaning one more day until the weekend. Bonus horns all around for everyone making it through their busy work week. Noon and Bronsteter are behind the glass and Tim and Sid are ready to fire on all cylinders. Another huge thank you to the readers for all your comments, suggestions, and DMs. In surprising news yesterday, I actually got an offer from an organization that liked what I was doing and asked if I would be interested in doing a similar thing for them. However, money does not talk and my interest was not there. I’m keeping my talents focused on the Tim and Sid: Uncut show, even if this is all done on my own. The guys are great and it’s important to stick with what you like; especially with all the positive responses and readers. I’m sure other opportunities will arise in the future. Anyways, after that little rant, Topics for today’s show include: Mariano Rivera, Rain, Mike Brown, Buster Posey, Kim Kardashian’s Ass, Seattle, Kyle Okposo, The Eastern Conference Finals, Bill Daly, and the Tampa Bay Lightning.

NHL Eastern Conference Finals
The talk in the first segment of today’s show involved the match-up between the Bruins and Lightning and the fact that Tampa Bay were able to stave off elimination again. Backed by Roloson, who’s 7 – 0 in elimination games, the Lightning pulled off a gutsy 5 – 4 win in game six. Sid figures there’s two heroes right now in sunny Florida – Wade and Roloson.

Discussion then flowed to the fact that there’s a Canadian team (VAN) in the NHL finals. Tim wonders about the idea that if your team is no longer in the playoffs, are you supposed to cheer for the Canadian team? According to Sid, “I haven’t cheered for a Canadian hockey team in 15 years. When you work at the Score television, you don’t become a fan anymore. You are an observer, I cheer for the stories, not the team.” The reason the story came up is because during 24 and 30, Micallef’s other show, he made the comment that he cheers for the team that he believes would appreciate it the most. And from his view, the Canucks are the team that would appreciate it the most, followed by Boston, Tampa, and San Jose. “I don’t care who wins the cup, just make it a good story.”, Sid. Tim believes it would also be cool if the Bruins won as well – the last time they hoisted the cup was in 1974; it’s been awhile for that team. Sid believes the Bruins will pull out a win at home, but Tim figures they better be careful. In game six, it looked like the big three of Tampa woke up and you have to watch out for those guys. Sid can see where he’s coming from and believes that if Claude Julien doesn’t have his guys ready, “I’m blaming Johnny  McChins.” Tim then threw out a funny quote at Sid’s line – “He has more chins than Chinatown.”

Seattle? Really, Seattle?
There were some rumours today in regards to the Atlanta Thrashers and the possibility that Seattle could be a destination. Apparently, Bill Daly said today in the news that he spoke with some parties in Seattle who were interested in bringing hockey to the West Coast. Tim is full aware that the market in Seattle is better than Atlanta and Phoenix (they have a history of supporting teams), but is it going to happen?“Please, I don’t think it’s going to happen. However, it will be a good rivalry if it was ever to happen (vs. Vancouver).”

Around this time, the guys starting shitting on Bronsteter for his tweet earlier in the day. Orville tweeted that he made some amazing sweet tea while at home and when a tweeter asked Orville how to make it, he proceeded to write down the directions/recipe. Sid, “Two things, first, it’s kind of ridiculous, and two, what goes in this tea? What do you put in it? Tea is fucking disgusting. Tea is one of the biggest scams in it’s history. Tea’s bullshit!”

Discussion flowed into comedy roasts and Jeff Ross. Some of the more classics include:

Or the ever awkward Jaime Foxx and Doug Williams roast….AMAZING STUFF!

TFC and the Rain
Once the hilarity of roasts and shitty comics was over, Tim and Sid dove into what transpired the night before at a TFC match. If you live in Toronto, you’re fully aware of the rain that fell the other night. At the time, TFC were trailing the Whitecaps 1 – 0, but due how bad the rain was and the flooded pitch, the match was called. When this happens in certain leagues, a called match will then start over at 0 – 0 and replay the entire 90 minutes at a later date. The question brought forth by Tim was should TFC give up a goal because it was called at 1 – 0? When both teams meet again. In the past, the 2007 Carling Cup to be exact, a similar issue to TFCs, arose when a match between Forest and Leicester was suspended because Clive Clarke collapsed on the field. When play resumed at a later date, Leicester allowed Forest to score a goal to begin the match at 1 – 0, rather than start from scratch; the ultimate example of sportsmanship. Sid believes that both matches are completely different and gives credit to Leicester for what they did, but in the case of TFC, the match was called due to weather – completely different than a heart attack. Either way you look at it though, both guys believe this “start from scratch” is a ridiculous rule.

Interesting Facts From Rob Pizzo’s Update
1. A stupid woman from California is suing Chucky Cheese. She believes the franchise and their ads are setting kids up to become compulsive gamblers…Bitch please.

2. Past WWE star, Chyna, is going back to work by making another porno film. She approached Vivid and they’ve sealed a deal that would see stars Evan and Lee Stone show her the real definition of “air tight”. The title of the film is called “Backdoor into Chyna”. Pizzo threw out his own Cut or Uncut about watching such a film. My first thought is CUT because she is actually a man, but Pizzo said he would watch it out of interst. However, he wouldn’t beat off to it. According to Sid, there are some guys in the Score’s building that love the muscle women – are these the guys that like to get pegged?

Dirk Daggers Again!
Once Pizzo finished discussing how and when he jerks off, the boys got into discussion about the Western Conference finals in the NBA. As we all know, the Mavericks finished off the Thunder the other night in fine fashion. Scott Brooks went small in the beginning and it actually worked for awhile, but in the last few minutes, they just collapsed again. There’s some thought out there that Westbrook is the reasoning behind the loss and people want to see him gone – even if he is only 22 years old. Sid had a good quote here, “There’s teams out there where people want Russell out, but there’s some people that are just fine with Calderon and Jack.” (LOL).  There’ll always be the question whether or not the Thunder lost the series or whether the Mavs won the series, but either way you look at, Durant should have had the ball more often. At least the OKC’s fans are supportive – there was a huge welcoming for them when they arrived back home.

Prior to Rapid Fire, there was some discussion on the film My Left Foot. There’s a story that Sid had originally thought the film was about a guy who beat the shit of everybody with his left foot and it wasn’t until the boys sent him the trailer for the film that he realized what it was actually about; a dude with cerebral palsy – classic Sid. There was some reflection here for Nooner as he remembered how his brother would always do an impression of Christy and get him laughing all the time.

Rapid Fire
Good Rapid Fire by Orville! He’s CUT or UNCUT’s have definitely gotten better lately and usually involve a wide range of topics.
– Using the word toque. CUT or UNCUT? Sid refuses to answer the question. I think it’s fine to use the word. It’s in the fucking dictionary.
– Hoisting the Conference Champion trophy. CUT or UNCUT? It’s Cut guys. You play for the championship.
– Honking at an attractive woman while you’re driving. CUT or UNCUT? Cut. If you’re trying to get a chick, this won’t work. But if it does, she’s either a whore or a hooker. Sid says he doesn’t honk, he just shows them his balls.
– Creating yourself as a video game character. CUT or UNCUT? Uncut – magically I’m featured in XBOX’s UFC and NBA2K11 games. Gotta dream.
– Men shaving their armpits. CUT or UNCUT? Hmmm, tough one…there’s a lot of factors here. Length, smell, etc.
– Giving someone something you got for free as a gift. CUT or UNCUT? Uncut, I’ve done this a few times. Wine, DVD’s, etc. If someone else can make better use of it than me, I usually pass it off.

Great show by everyone today. Lots of edu-tainment thrown out there. If there’s one thing you do get out of this radio show, it’s street smarts. At times I think it’s geared towards savants like Hainser in an attempt to them get through the day. Hainser’s Corner was epic, Orville brought a strong Rapid Fire, and Pizzo had a great update. Loved today’s episode 9.5/10.


Manicured Vagines & EPO

TIm: “The Sharks have their back against the wall, the Bulls have their back against the wall.
Sid: And Tim’s back, yeah? Yeahhhhhh, I’m so happy….
Tim: (mutters) Where’s Brookside?
Sid: Yeahhhhhhhh. Remember the commercial we did?
Tim: Yeah, Does anyone else?
Sid: What’s that?
Tim: Does anyone else remember it?
Sid: I don’t give a shit.
Tim: Okay, fair enough.
Sid: Oh, we got to start the…..”

Tim’s back in the booth Tim and Sidizens. His 2 week vacation is over and Sid has his only friend back. Noon is behind the glass, alongside a cleanly shaven, Aaron Bronsteter. The Tim and Sid: Uncut team are back with their starting 5. Topics for today’s show include: Stuff that Tim missed, Dirk Nowitzki, Thoughts from Tim, Jose Bautista, Tim’s Vacation, The Atlanta Thrashers, Tim’s Stories, Tim Thomas, Tim’s Opinions, and a potpourri of ideas. I will throw out a disclaimer that the guys talked about half of these topics, so don’t expect to read this review and listen to the show thinking you’re going to hear chatter about Bautista, for example. It’s the uncut show – they do what they like. Before any discussion on sports would occur, Tim congratulated Sid on holding down the fort and “steering the Captain’s Wheel” while he was away for the last 2 weeks. Sid pretty much loved running the place by himself because there was no one to call him out on his own shit (if they did, they received a fuck off!). But in saying that, Tim said he also wanted to “punch the computer sometimes.” especially when Sid was going on one of his maniacal rants. Either way, the dynamic duo are back together, time to rekindle the bromance.

Uncle Timmy’s Personal Rapid Fire of Rants
Being away from work for two weeks can cause an individual to bottle up his/her emotions or thoughts on sports. You can imagine that Tim had so many things running through his head and he wanted to talk about everything under the sun today – you could sense it in his voice; the excitement was clearly overwhelming. In order to appease him, the guys basically gave Tim the mic and let him rant and roar about the topics he missed out on while away.

1. How About My Canucks? Tim wanted to give a little shout-out to the success “His” Canucks are having in the NHL playoffs. Unbeknownst to everyone else in the studio, Tim supposedly picked the Canucks in the beginning of the season to win the cup. Sid found this a little hard to believe but seemed convinced when Tim reminded him of his rant that got them through game 7 against the Blackhawks several weeks ago. “I reversed the curse of the rant.”

2. LBJ and the Miami Heat! Tim’s clearly making up for lost time as he begins to discuss the Heat/Celtics series. He questions whether or not games 4 and 5 of the series will be a defining moment for James? Similar to when Michael Jordan finally defeated the Detroit Pistons. While they’ll have to battle with Chicago, Tim believes the Heat are on their way to a title. And if this happens, the defining moment according to Tim will be those games against Boston.

3. Pat Riley vs. Gar Forman. “How the blood clot did Pat Riley not win the Executive of the Year, hands down?” If you remember, Riley was called co-executive of the year alongside Chicago Bull’s Gar Forman. Tim’s belief is that Riley is the one who went out and successfully signed Wade, Bosh, and James. He got all 3. The man was doing work in the offseason. Chicago on the other hand, tried to at least get one of those names mentioned and failed on all accounts. Sid also agreed and didn’t understand “how does he (Riley) not individually take this award, rub his balls on it, and make everyone smell it?”

4. The Lakers and Vanessa? “Really? The Lakers rift was Vanessa? If Tim and Sidizens don’t remember, one of the rumoured reasons behind the Lakers collapse was the breakup between Pau Gasol and his girlfriend. Sid had a quick remark here, “Really, I thought the woman on the floor, Pau Gasol, was the problem. I’m not saying he’s a woman, I’m just saying he had vaginal tendencies in that series against Dallas.” According to reports, Vanessa Bryant was the one who supposedly egged Gasol’s girlfriend to leave the 7 footer. Girls can be shady, but come on, you’re professional athletes. Get over it! Tim also had issues with the fact that Odom’s reality show was filming during the playoffs. “Really?”

5. Tim’s Twitter Expectations. This rant seemed kind of foss to me. Over vacation, Tim tweeted several times, especially during the NBA or NHL playoffs. During one of Tim’s tweets, Noon tweeted the following:

Anyways, Tim seemed to take this to heart for some reason and thought Noon was attacking him. I could be wrong, but it’s called joking, teasing, taking jabs, etc. We hear these guys everyday throwing shit at one another. Noon summed it up best –  his friends would just know him as “being a smart ass!” There’s nothing in that tweet talking about tweeting after work or tweeting at home. Another example of why we need the sarcasm button.

6. Lance Armstrong and EPO. Great discussion here among the boys regarding more accusations that Lance took EPO. Last night on 60 Minutes, Tyler Hamilton spilled his guts and discussed how he both witnessed and saw Armstrong take drugs. Discussion was on how this would affect Armstrong if it ever came to light to be true. Tim is having trouble with this because if he did cheat, there could be ramifications….the guy raised $325 million for cancer. Sid believes he’ll still be a hero in the charity community, but a fraud in the sporting community. I managed to catch the interview last night online and it was pretty interesting.

Interesting Facts from the PIMP, Mr. Pizzo
Little chatter amongst the guys: Orville looks like he’s 8 since he shaved his facial hair, “Your beard is weird, your stash is trash.” – Pizzo. I can’t believe none of the guys tweeted a photo of our little producer. It was also noted that Noon was North of Coxvale over the May 2-4 weekend. He had a little day of clay shooting – taking shots all day.
1. A dude at a recent Royals/Cards game showed up to the ball park wearing 2 separate jerseys that had been split and sewn together. The 2 players used were Billy Hunter (KC) and Albert Pujols (STL) = BUTJOLS.

2. Cam Newton recently channeled his inner Justin Bieber. I can tell I’m going to find this guy entertaining and a pain the ass all at the same time.

3. Michael Horst did something amazing. The American not only climbed Mount Everst, but he then proceeded to climb the neighboring Mount Lhotse. Two 8,000 meter peaks in 21 hrs; pretty impressive.
During Pizzo’s segment, there was also some discussion on the failure of the Rapture & the Marlins countdown ticker for the event, afternoon NHL games, and Jason Jackson’s visit to Tim and Sid: Uncut. “How the blood clot did you have that guy on the show?”. Is this a new saying of Uncle Timmy’s? He’s used that blood clot line twice so far.

Prior to anymore sport talk, Sid discussed how he spent the weekend mowing his lawn and comparing it to manicured vagines. Sid gives credit to those that do it (work in the business), but he can’t understand or see how women love doing it. “It’s a terrible job. You can’t make money do it.” I know only one thing Sid, while you may not see how anyone can enjoy doing such a job, we have to be completely grateful. That is unless your strictly a “bush” man.

Put That Belt Away Durant!
The guys transitioned smoothly into the topic of what happened the night before in game 4 between the Mavericks and Thunder. With 5 mintues left in the game, the Dallas Mavericks overcame a 15-point deficit to come from behind and beat the Thunder in overtime. A huge statement made by the MAVS to show they’re for real. But the area the guys focused on, Sid in particular, was Scott Brooks and his inability to call timeouts. According to Sid, OKC are a young team and he can’t believe that Brooks didn’t call a timeout somewhere during the MAVS run to calm his guys down and slow down the pace of the Mavericks. It’s as though Brooks was attempting to be like Phil Jackson, letting the team play through it. Tim gives full credit to the MAVS though and he’s happy to see them finally stepping up, especially Dirk. But on the otherside, Durant just looked scared and didn’t take anything to the basket late in the game. He said all the right things to the post-game media, but it’s too late, they lost. Sid summed it up best, “Either way, it was a huge fuck up by Scott Brooks.”

I just have one thing to say about Durant – It’s the NBA and you’re playing against seasoned veterans. Don’t go making “BELT” gestures until the final buzzer sounds. You made yourself look like a fool. Not that Dallas needed it, but if I was Dirk, watching you pretend to put on a championship belt would make me want dunk you and the ball at the same time. And stop wearing that damn book bag Mommy Kisser!

Tim also mentioned Sid’s rant about Kendrick Perkins. Gives him credit, and agrees that Perkins is a good role player but c’mon man…..$9 million a year? Really? With those shitty stats?

Rapid Fire
It was nice to have Bronsteter back behind the glass with a little Either or?
– Magic or Kareem? Who had a better career? Tim goes with Magic and Sid picks Kareem for reasons unknown. The guy is an ass – I’m taking Magic with this question.
– Smarties or M&M’s? Sid’s taking his chocolate over peanuts, but I suggest trying the new M&M pretzals. Good shit guys.
– Ice Tea or Ice Coffee? Sid said foss for both – to that I say, you’re foss Sid. Ice Tea is a good drink to consume from time to time.
– Can of Pop or Bottle of Pop? Bottle of Pop is always the way to go! Colder, refreshing, and they tend to come in smaller amounts/liters.
– The Wall or Darkside of the Moon? Hands down, the Wall did it for me. But a personal favourite tune had to be “Wish You Were Here” from Floyd’s 9th album.

Great show by the Score’s starting 5!  Nice to have Uncle Timmy back in the booth next to his partner in crime. His rants from past shows was pretty funny – like a fat kid in a candy store, so many topics to discuss and get to. Tim does need to lighten up on Noon, I’m pretty sure he was kidding and if he was looking to get a rise out of Tim, I’d say he was successful. Sid’s take on Scott Brooks was interesting. Big time excited for today’s show with Bryan Colangelo! 9.5/10

Kevin “OutKast” Durant

“Alright now fellows, Yeah!”
“Now what’s cooler than bein’ cool? Ice Cold!” 
“I can’t hear ya’ I say, what’s cooler than bein’ cool? Ice Cold!”

Let’s hope for OKC fans sake, the Thunder have a much better game in Sunday’s game 7. In tonight’s game 6, the Thunder were unable to finish the series to move on to the Western Conference Finals. Durant’s shooting didn’t help much either – he finished the game with 11 pts. (3-14 shooting, 1-9 from the 3-point line). He was “ice cold” all night.

* Friday’s Tim and Sid: Uncut review will be posted tomorrow. Enjoy the weekend Tim and Sidizens.