Hainser’s Corner #6
A surprise Hainser’s Corner! Also of importance, this is Tim’s first time alone with the man; it should be quite interesting. Some of Hainser’s answers ran a bit longer than usual as Tim is a little more on the sympathetic side than Sid. So a head’s up that some of Hainser’s answers are long, but I’m telling you Tim and Sidizens, what he provides is gold.
A little intro. first:
Hainser: Timothy, How are you sir?
Tim: Thanks for stopping by. I was wondering if I could fill the time today and apparently I had tons of time to fill.
Hainser: Anytime. Call me in from the ballpen any day brother.
Tim: The ballpen or the bullpen?
Hainser: Um, the bullpen.
1. Winnipeg? “Okay. Winnipeg. I’m so glad they have a NHL franchise back. They deserve it. Gary Bettman is gonna realize this was a backhanded like win for him. Uh, what a fuck up it was for him to take it out in the first place.” (Tim: The dollar was a….no, no, I’m not gonna analyze.)
2. Cheetah Power Surge? “Oh my God! Are you for real? This guy, that guy is on my hit list. Hey really? Frank D’Angelo? Oh dude.” (Tim: I don’t know if you want to put him on your hit list. I got to stop analyzing.) “No, I do. I want him. He’s um, he’s at the very top. Uh, uh, I tweeted him the other day, uh…first of all, he’s now associated with Mike Zigomanis and Luca Caputi. Could this be a worst look for these two Leafs prospects? This is my team, he’s hanging out…” (Tim: Zigomanis is like 29 now.) “I don’t give, he’s like hanging around with this jackass. He ruins everything. Cheetah Power Surge is a fucking embarrassment and his band too. Have you heard them?” (Tim: I’m not speaking badly about him.) “I will.” (Tim: Who else is on your hit list?) “Ah, there’s many, but he’s right on top.”
3. TOUT? “TOUT, ah, the best uh, thing to happened to the uh, social medias world since twitter. Ah, Bronsteter can attest. If you want to see me uh, pile drive some Oranginas in the morning, we’ll put that up.” (Tim: Pile drive some what?) “Oranginas. That’s my go to drink in the morning.” (Tim: What about Orange Julius?) “No, that’s a far and ferior product.”
4. Olympic Torch? “Uh, Olympic Torch is great. They should just get it right. I remember Vancouver that was, was a bit of a sha…” (Tim: Well, they relit it. Did you hear they relit it?) “Yeah.” (Tim: And lost 8 – 1) “Oh.”
5. Celibacy? “Celibacy, uh, it’s not a good look man. I know it all to well.”
6. Sex-ting? “Sex-ting, um, fine. I w-would not be involved in that. You never know what’s gonna happen, hey Weiner? Jesus.”
7. Dick Ebersol? “Oh, very powerful man, NBC. But this guy’s gotta get a new name.”
8. Biting? “Biting, ah, certainly doesn’t belong in any hockey game, I’ll tell you that.”
9. Weiner? “Weiner, that guy is such a fuckin’ loser, hey? Like, could he have fucked up more?” (Tim: This is amazing.)
10. Horton? “Uh, may you have a fast and speedy recovery. God Speed, uh, that was not a proper hit and uh, I wish him the best.”
11. Rome? “Hey man, that was uh, that would have been a good hockey hit if he had gone for the sternum. That’s my problem with the hit there. That’s uh, he definitely went for the chin, for the head. If he had just decked him right, right there, in the numbers, he would have been perfect. If he had decked him in the big Bruins logo.”
Hainser: Frank D’Angelo, I’m coming out for you buddy!
Noon: Hainser’s coming out for him? Does that mean he’s gay?
Hainser: Cheetah Power Surge sucks!
Tim: Do you want Frank?
Hainser: Are you trying to mix up my words? I want to uh, Frank D’Angelo is a loser. Cheetah Power Surge sucks and his bands an embarrassment.