Remembering Hainser’s Corner: Follow The Man, The Myth, & The Legend On Twitter @RynoHainser

Hainser’s Corner Theme Song

Dear TimandSid-izens,

On Friday August 19th, 2011, TimandSid-izens sadly experienced their very last episode of Hainser’s Corner on Tim and Sid: Uncut; starring our favourite “man of mystery”, Ryan Hains. The first ever Hainser’s Corner aired on May 10th, 2011 and quickly rose to be one of the TimandSid-izens favourite segments during the show – spinning 11 episodes. The formula was simple: put Hainser in the room and have him answer rapid fire/CNN-esque types of questions and see how he would respond under pressure. Sometimes his answers were whack, but most of the time he delivered pure gold. While we kid around him most of the time, it’s important to let him know that we’ll miss you. He was a stellar dude who came to work everyday and brought nothing but his A game. This is not a good-bye, but a see you later as I’m confident great things are in his future. All the best Hains! Keep it real brother!

Tim Sidizen

In the meantime, let’s look back, reflect, and remember everything about our boy Ryan Hains. Follow him on twitter: @RynoHainser

Hainser T-Shirt Design
Hainser became so popular with the TimandSid-izens, a clothing line was started in his honour. Unfortunately, details on production and distribution are still unknown.

#Hainser’s Dictionary
A favourite of many TimandSid-izens was Hainser’s use of the English language. Words such as Hi-Jinx, Scrilla, and Brother were made popular by the man himself. Check out below for some of Hainser’s most used terms.

Ballpen: should of been bullpen; area where relief pitchers warmup.
Boa Constructor: should of been boa constrictor; an accessory possibly worn by Hains’ last girlfriend.
Brother: term used to describe friend, companion; made popular by WWF star Hulk Hogan.
Beastings: should of been bee stings; small breasts.
Cheetah Power Surge: a caffeine-free source of energy.
Infanticide: the homicide of an infant.
Erroneous: Wrong; incorrect.
Frank D’Angelo: Canadian personality; Ryan Hains’ nemisis.
Flowing: should have been floating; Hains’ used the expression “Lots of stories flowing around about me.”
Gastronomical: relating to gastronomy; art of good eating.
Golden Tee: most successful coin-operated golfing video game.
Holy Shiznit: slang term to replace Holy Shit.
Hi-Jinx: a joke, comical act, or practical joke.
Libertarian: Hains’ political views; a philosophy that upholds individual liberty.
Oranginas: a Ryan Hains approved morning drink.
Pennies in a knot: should of been panties; upset, bothered.
Procure: to obtain (something), esp. with care or effort.
Saunter: walk in a slow, relaxed manner, without hurry or effort.
Sidney: endearing name used for Sid Seixeiro.
Scrilla: money, paper,fetti,chedda, phrase coined by E-40.
Svelte: adj. (of a person) slender and elegant.
Tuborg: light amber coloured premium lager with an unexpectedly soft, slightly sweet taste.
Yo: slang term for hello, hi.

Hainser’s Corner Episode Guide
What was once thought to be a one time thing turned into 11 episodes of Hainser’s Corner. TimandSid-izens demanded that Hainser show up and he always came through.

Hainser’s Corner Epis. 11: “Hainser Saunters Over For a Beer”
Hainser’s Corner Epis. 10: “Hainser Tries To Steal A Bagel”
Hainser’s Corner Epis. 9: “Hainser’s Canada Day Special”
Hainser’s Corner Epis. 8: “CUT or UNCUT”
Hainser’s Corner Epis. 7: “Hainser’s Stanley Cup Finals”
Hainser’s Corner Epis. 6: “Hainser vs. Frank D’Angelo”
Hainser’s Corner Epis. 5: “Hainser Steals Sid’s Pants”
Hainser’s Corner Epis. 4: “Hainser Loves Khloe Kardashian”
Hainser’s Corner Epis. 3: “Hainser & Nice Girls”
Hainser’s Corner Epis. 2: “Hainser’s Disgust For Star Jones”
Hainser’s Corner Epis. 1: “The First Ever Hainser’s Corner”

Hainser’s Judges An Asian Beauty Contes
During one of his MC events, a little introduction of all the Beauties of Asia from Hainser.

You can check out Hainser here near the end sizing up the competition. Did you get a number brother?

Hainser Soundbites
Hainser was definitely one of the best at delivering some strange and hilarious soundbites. Whether he was singing a tune, screaming his twitter handle, or giving his insight into pop culture, he always provided laughs.

Hainser’s Tribute To Nate Dogg

Two Minute Tribute To Hainser

Hainser Destroys A Burger: Courtesy Of A Loyal TimandSid-izen
The following clip was sent in by a TimandSid-izen and it speaks for itself.

Hainser and Bronsteter Dance-Off At theScore Summer Party
What’s a little Summer Party without some dancing?

Ryan Hains On TOUT
Hainser was also popular in the world of Tout. Thanks to Aaron Bronsteter, Hains delivered some good times.

1. Hainser Watching Golden Tee Videos

2. Hainser Challenges the World To a game Golden Tee

3. Hainser Enjoys a Sandwich

4. Hainser Loves the Padres

5. Hainser is introduced to TOUT

Other than that, there’s really nothing left to say. I met Ryan during one of my visits at theScore and the guy is exactly who we hear on the radio. He’s a barrel of laughs, has a heart of gold, and will be there if needed. Here’s to you Hainser – you shall be missed. A long-time listener and devoted TimandSid-izen summed it up best on Friday’s show:


Hainser’s Corner: Epis. 11 “Hainser Saunters Over For A Beer”

Wow! A great “Law & Order” Hainser’s Corner from last Wednesday. It was the first day back from break for Tim and Sid: Uncut and already the boys are rippin’ on Hainser, but for good reason. Micallef didn’t seem like he was too interested at the time as he wanted to jump right into sports, but Noon was giving Sid a “huge” thumbs up, begging for the Hainser/Diesel story.

Sid: “Back from an eventful three weeks in Norway is Ryan Hains.”
Hainser: (sarcastically) “You’re back? The show’s back?”
(The guys start laughing at Sid’s Norway joke)
Sid: “Too soon Noon? Too soon?”
Tim: “I could hear Noon’s laugh through the glass.”
Sid: “So I’m going to set the stage Hainser…”
(The guys continue to laugh at the Norway joke)
Hainser: “Get on with it.”
Sid: “Did you go to Diesel? Club, bar, whatever the fuck you call it downtown. Did you try to go to Diesel?”
Hainser: “No.”
Sid: “What are you talking about? Do you want to hear the story I fuckin’ heard about you?”
Hainser: (sounding like a pussy) “Man, there’s so many stories that’s flowing around about me that aren’t true.”
Sid: “They aren’t flowing.”
Hainser: “Floating.”

The story goes that last Thursday during the heat wave, Hainser caught wind that Molson M were giving away free beer (4 Tall Boys) down by the Diesel Playhouse. Hainser apparently shot off like a bat out of hell in hopes of scoring some cold beverages. Unfortunately for him though, when he got down there and tried to get a free beer, he was denied because he didn’t have his ID on him. Sid attempts to get the truth again.

Sid: “Did you try and get a free beer Thursday in that heat wave somewhere?”
Hainser: “No.”
Sid: “Really.”
Hainser: “No. I drank some beer but I didn’t get any free ones.”
Sid: “So you didn’t try to get into a place, not have your ID, and they wouldn’t serve you because you look like you have a 4-year olds head? That didn’t happen?”
Hainser: “No. Absolutely not.”

(You can hear the door open here and Pizzo rushes in with his take on the story.)

Pizzo: “Are you actually saying you didn’t do this Hains? This is Pizzo by the way. I was in theScore news room and people were talking how Molson was giving away free beer across, right near the…”
Hainser: “Oooooh..d-d-d-d..oh Diesel Playhouse!”
Pizzo: “I said there’s free beer at Diesel and I’ve never seen anyone run that fast in my entire life.”
Hainser: “I sauntered over.”
Tim: “So you sauntered over?”
Hainser: “Yes.”
Pizzo: “That’s a quick saunter.”
Tim: “So you became Bruny Surin?”
Hainser: “Bruny Surin, he’s a hell of a sprinter man. Good times that relay team hey?”
Tim: “Yeah, Glenroy.”
Sid: “What are you talking about? No one gives a shit about your Atlanta memories.”
Tim: “Come on.”
Sid: “Yeah, Saturday nights in Georgia are great. Continue.”
Hainser: “Yeah, I heard they were giving away free beer, so I did saunter over quickly and um, I waited in line to procure said beer and uh, when they gave it to me they said no dice because i didn’t have my ID on me.”
Sid: “You’re how old?”
Hainser: “I’m not going to say how old I am.”
Tim: “Why not?”
Sid: “But that’s the best part of the story. You’re about to retire.”
Hainser: “Yeah, I served in ‘Nam man. I’m that old.”
Tim: “He’s 33.”
Sid: “But upon looking at you, I’d think you liked Dora the Explorer. You have a young person’s head – a baby’s head.
Hainser: “Oh geez, we’re talkin’ about my head? How much hair gel you have in right now buddy?”
Tim: “Oh snap!”
Sid: “Hey listen…”
Tim: “Whhhhat! Gloves come off.”
Sid: “Listen, you don’t know what it’s like growing up in Mississauga. You don’t know how it is.”

Hainser goes on to explain that Sid’s question earlier on screwed him up. Sid called it a bar / club and for some reason, Hainser couldn’t tell the difference between Diesel and Diesel Playhouse. Just as Tim gives Bronsteter the finger to wrap it up…

Hainser: @RynoHainser on twitter. Follow Cam Stewart and Red Heat!!!!”

NFL’s C.R.E.A.M, The Toronto Blue Jays Get Younger, and Cam Stewart Has A “Burning Passion”?

“We’re back, we’re live.
And we’re a little bit fatter. (that’s true, that’s true)
I like burgers in my mouth. (that’s not the only thing)
It’s been a good two weeks.
Famous, run that bitch.”

Holy Shit TimandSid-izens! After two weeks of being off the air, Tim and Sid: Uncut have returned to theScore Radio and SIRIUS Radio Channel 158. The BEST OF series served it’s purpose for the first while, but by day 13, I was itching for new sports and edu-tainment. From all the TimandSid-izens, welcome back boys. As always, the show was stacked. Bronsteter and Noon were behind the glass, Pizzo was around somewhere, and Tim and Sid were ready to rock. The topics for today’s episode included: Us, the Jays, Summer, Santonio Holmes, Drafted 3, Ervin Santana, 6-hour ball games, Hainser, Golf, and some possible stories.

Right from the start you could tell that the boys were pumped to go, especially Tim. He was tweeting all this morning about his excitement, whereas Sid didn’t say shit #sarcasm. In all seriousness though, they all sounded pretty happy to be back on air, ready to discuss sports and edu-tainment. They do bring up the fact though that over the break, they did receive a lot of “I Hate Bronsteter” tweets and emails from fans throwing jabs at Orville for his voiceovers for the BEST OF series. “Some people just annihilated you. It warmed my heart.”, said Sid. “I’m happy I could put together the BEST OF Tim and Sid and the worst of Bronsteter all into one incredible package.”, replied Bronsteter sarcastically.

Conversation then flowed into why the boys were absent for the last while. As discussed in an earlier blog over the two week break, I mentioned that Seixeiro was working on theScore television series DRAFTED 3. Sid was working 12 hour days and it was just too much from him to work on DRAFTED 3 and come in to do the show so it was decided that Tim and Sid: Uncut and 24 in 30 would be shut down for the time being. Sid goes on to mention that Tim was also part of the show this year and when asked if he liked it, Micallef only provided dead air as he found it hard to find an answer. Finally he threw out, “It was very awkward. I was stuck halfway between absolutely murdering them and helping them out.” Sid goes on to explain that this was natural seeing as both of them are pros in the business, but it is still just a reality show. There’s pauses, they have to get the right shot, and flow does not exist. In regards to the finalists for the show, “It’s unfair what we did to them but it was kind of awesome.”, said Sid.

Just before they are about to talk some sports though, Sid brings up the fact that some listener tweeted to the boys early in their hiatus and challenged them by saying that they took time off because there was nothing going on in the world of sports. Tim thought the tweeter was joking, but it seems that Sid took offence to this, “Sarcasm doesn’t translate to the written word so I didn’t know how to take it. I’ll tell you how I took it – fuck off!”

Hainser’s Corner
See upcoming entry for the full review of Hainser’s Corner.

NFL Lockout and Free Agent Frenzy

C.R.E.A.MWu-Tang Clan

Well, unless you’ve been hiding under a rock over the last couple of days, you should know that the NFL is no longer in a lockout. Huge news for any football fan, great news for the players, and even better news for the owners. “Like the great WU-Tang taught us…Cash rules everything around me, C.R.E.A.M, get the money, dollar, dollar bill ya’ll.”, said Tim. Sid seconds that thought and goes on to say that the league was too smart to let this go. While it was a shitty thing to go through, everyone wasn’t surprised to see it end. $9 billion a year? That deal is getting signed. And now that the lockout is over, player movement has already begun:

Donovan McNabb
The first guy up for discussion was quarterback Donovan McNabb. McNabb was acquired by the Minnesota Vikings from the Washington Redskins for a 6th round pick in 2012, a conditional 6th round pick in 2013, and McNabb will also have to restructure his 5-year $78 million deal that he originally signed with the Redskins last year. “What a year a difference makes. McNabb was sent to the Vikings for basically a couple of hot pockets and a six pack of Sarasota.”, said Micallef. It’s true, the Redskins are pretty much getting nothing in return. For a QB that was so highly thought of last year, it’s funny how much difference a year makes. Sid weighs in, “So him getting that $70 million extension…that will go down as the most useless story of all time? What a fucking waste. Dan Snyder must be fuckin’ bored out of his mind.”

Kevin Kolb
The second player rumoured to be moving and discussed was the Philadelphia Eagles’ Kevin Kolb. The Eagles are doing everything they can to try and get a 1st round draft pick for the QB, but up until six minutes ago (10:35pm), no deal has been finalized. The Arizona Cardinals seem interested but no one’s pulled the trigger. Both Tim and Sid agree that Kolb is a good player and what happened to him in Philadelphia last year was a shame. Sid make a good point that what Michael Vick did last year though, by taking the starting job…only happens every 10 years. While Tim believes the price for Kolb might be a little high, Sid doesn’t seem to think so, “Kolb didn’t lose his job. Vick just took it.”

Matt Hasselbeck
Another QB on the move people! According to Tim and Sid, Hasselbeck, who played the last 10 seasons with the Seattle Seahawks and took them to the 2005 Super Bowl, has worked out a multi-year deal with the Titans. This move by the Titans also spells out the end of the Vince Young and Titans era. They both agree that after last season, there’s no way Young gets a starting job anytime soon. When you think about it, it’s also hard to believe that after all the success that Jeff Fisher and Vince Young had in the past, both are no longer with the team.

Sid goes off track for a second and asks the boys what The View’s Elisabeth Hasselbeck might think of her brother-in-law moving to Tennessee? It’s obvious that the boys agree with me in thinking that Elisabeth is nuts and Tim goes on to ask who is worse, Elisabeth Hasselbeck or Nancy Grace? For me personally, that’s like trying to pick a favourite child – both can be complete nut jobs. But according to Seixeiro, “There’s guys in the radio department, 7 beers in, that would give it a shot (regarding Nancy Grace). If Cam ran into Nancy Grace at a bar, he would try.” “Cam hates Nancy Grace with a burning passion.”, replied Bronsteter. “And that’s what he would have afterwords, a burning passion.”, cried Noon.

Tyler Thigpen

The Buffalo Bills have agreed to a three-year contract with free agent quarterback Tyler Thigpen. This news is pretty funny for all the guys and Tim brings up his tweet from the following night stating his thoughts on said signing.

Other notable signings include:
– Tarvaris Jackson going to the Seattle Seahawks
– Santonio Holmes re-signs with the New York Jets to a deal worth over $50 million. According to Tim, it’s one the biggest guarantees given to a wide receiver. Sid has a funny response, “He also was given one of Antonio Cromartie’s kids in the deal.”
– Matt Leinart reached a deal with the Houston Texans.

Interesting Facts From Pizzo’s Updates
1. Dan Patrick had one of the most awkward interviews with an athlete on Wednesday when retired NFL player Marshall Faulk appeared on the radio show. The suggestion of the possibility of Matt Hasselbeck succeeding as an NFL analyst seems to piss Faulk off for no apparent reason. You can check out the strange interview here.
2. The newest Oakland Raiderette is a GILF. Ol’ Susie Sanchez, 37 years young, had tried out for the cheerleading team in the past but was cut 4 different times. This year however, she finally made it. This is the second Grandmother to become a Raiderette, with the first one making the team in 2003.

3. In other stupid player news, that’s right…more players being stupid. NBA analyst Jalen Rose, and Oiler goaltender, Nikolai Khabibulin were both busted for DUI. Idiots. The funny part of this update was that no one was even paying attention to Pizzo. They were still too busy staring at photos of Susie Sanchez from update #2. “Jesus, she’s old. Oh my God…her tits are three years old, but she’s old.”, cried Sid.

Toronto Blue Jays and Alex Anthopoulos 
The second segment of the show began with discussion on the Toronto Blue Jays and the blockbuster deals that occurred between Toronto, Chicago, and St. Louis this afternoon. The deals look like this:

Toronto: received Colby Rasmus, Mark Teahen, Brian Tallet, Trever Miller, and P.J. Walters
St. Louis: received Corey Patterson, Marc Rzepczynski, Edwin Jackson, Octavio Dotel, and three players to be named later
Chicago: received Jason Frasor and Zach Stewart

This is a huge overhaul for the Blue Jays but it’s something that Anthopoulos has been wanting for awhile. The Blue Jays GM had tried several times in the past to secure Colby Rasmus but has never been able to pull it off. Rasmus was the key acquisition this afternoon and both Tim and Sid find him interesting to say the least. While he’s not producing huge numbers this season, he was ranked the 3rd best prospect in 2009. Sid weighs the positives and believes that him being 24 years of age, being signed through 2015, and having lots of major league games under his belt is a plus.

Jerry Meals and the 6 Hour Game
Time was running out for Tim and Sid but they did quickly discuss the recent 6 hour game that happened the night before between the Pittsburgh Pirates and the Atlanta Braves. For a game to go on for so long and then end with a shitty call…it pretty much sucks. Umpire Jerry Meals did not see the tag made by Michael McKenry three feet in front of home plate and Atlanta went on to win the game 4-3 in 19 innings.

Rapid Fire
Unfortunately, Bronsteter didn’t have much time at all for his Rapid Fire and our boy didn’t even introduce the game. But it sounded like he was doing a little Either Or.
– The NFL is back in full swing and there are teams that need quarterbacks. Who would you rather have to start this season. Vince Young, Kevin Kolb, Kyle Orton, or Carson Palmer? As an Eagles fan, I’m going with Kolb. I wish him all the best in the future and it’s a shame he couldn’t remain backup. I’d rather him than the rumoured Favre.
– Which Week 1 season opener are you most excited to see. Packers vs. Saints or Steelers vs. Ravens? I’m in for the rivalry game…Steelers vs. Ravens…huge hits and legitimate hatred for one another.
– If you could bring back any cancelled television show for new episodes, which one would it be? Growing up I had a crush on Gillian Anderson. This is going to be a total geek answer but I have to go with the X-Files. Scully was hot.

Great show from the boys. I think by the time it aired, I was busting with anticipation. When you’ve doing reviews for these guys for the last three months, it’s hard to see them go on a hiatus. I do appreciate the support though from all the readers. Even when Tim and Sid: Uncut was off-air, people still checked out the blog on a regular basis and helped readership continue to sky rocket. I do this for theScore, Tim and Sid: Uncut, and especially the TimandSid-izens. First off, great intro. I can’t believe we began with a Hainser’s Corner…glad to see they got to the bottom of Hainser’s lies. The post-lockout discussion was entertaining – I’m guessing there will be much more trades and signing talk to come over the next couple of days. Pizzo brought some pretty good updates…he has done better in the past, but I think it was just the excitement of being on air again with Tim and Sid. Unfortunately the second segment seemed rush because of all the football talk, but it’s not the boys fault. This is only a 1 hour show and it’s hard to get all the sports and edu-tainment spaced in under 60 minutes. Good job by Bronsteter…pressed for time, he still was able to produce some nice Rapid Fire questions. A solid 9.5/10.

Hainser’s Corner: Epis. 10 “Hainser Tries To Steal A Bagel”

Hainser’s Corner #10

Is Hainser stealing bagels at Tim Hortons?

Sid: “Why are you openinig the computer? Close the computer. You don’t need it. You don’t need the computer.”
Tim: “You always turn on the computer.”
Sid: “Yes, You always turn on the computer.”
Hainser: “I always feel more comfortable if it’s on and it’s open.”
Tim: “Okay.”
Sid: “Hainser is in studio. Hainser by the way, hasn’t been with us the past few weeks. He was Juror #7 in the Casey Anthony Trial.”
Hainser: “Boy, ever fuck that shit up hey? How’d they let her go man?”
Sid: “They didn’t have enough evidence fuck.”
Tim: “Did you get some tail at least?”
Hainser: “You look up infanticide on google and, ah, i guess…”
Sid: “You didn’t hear a thing in that trial. You stared at her tits the entire time. Just admit it.”
Hainser: “I did not. No…No. How’d you like her Pirate shirt when she went for the, uh..that day when…uh.”
Sid: “Do you know what? Shut the fuck up for a second.”
Tim: “The verdict? Is that what you’re trying to get at?”
Hainser: (laughing) “Yeah, Yeah.”
Tim: (laughing) “I gotcha.”
Sid: “What’d he try to say?”
Tim:  “He tried to say verdict.”
Sid: “But what did he say?”
Hainser: “Pirate shirt she was wearing.”
Tim: “Well, he just…”
Sid:(interrupting) “Oh, you said Pirate shirt and all of a sudden it was verdict day?”
Tim: “He was searching for the word as if he was Eric Lindros…”
Hainser: “Oh shut up!”
Tim: “…that just got hit by Scott Stevens.”
Sid: “Did you listen to the front of the show Hainser?”
Hainser: “No.”
Sid: “Somebody sent Tim and I on twitter this today. Hainser tried to steal my bagel at the Timmies on King.”
Tim: “Respond to this.”
Hainser: (laughing) “Really?”
Sid: “We got this today.”
Hainser: “That’s quite possible.”
Tim: (laughing hysterically)
Hainser: “It could be quite possible. Sure I got my friggin’ English muffin stolen yesterday morning man.”
Sid: (mockingly) “I hate when my shit gets stoden too.”
Hainser: “I hate that. You got to watch your fuckin’ orders.”
Sid: “Hold on, whoa, whoa, whoa. What happened today with the fuckin’ bagel at Timmies?”
Hainser: “Well, I didn’t steal anyone’s bagel today.”
Tim: “Are you sure about this?”
Hainser: “I didn’t have a bagel today.”
Sid: “According to this tweet from Ryan…”
Tim: “Were you at the Timmies on King today?”
Hainser: “Yes. That’s erroneous” (regarding stealing the bagel).
Sid: “What time were you there? Did he just say erroneous?”
Hainser: “Yes.”
Sid: “What time were you at Timmies?”
Hainser: “Ah…10 past 11.”
Sid: “Did you order a bagel?”
Tim: “That’s four hours ago via web.”
Hainser: “No.”
Sid: “Did anyone around you order a bagel?”
Hainser: “Yeah, I think the person right ahead of me had a bagel.”
Sid: “Did you accidently reach for “said” bagel?”
Hainser: “I did reach for “said” bagel.”
Both Tim and Sid: (screaming) “Then you tried to…..Woooooooo!”
Hainser: (screaming) “No, I didn’t know that was…I thought that was order #21 and my English muffin coming up.”
Sid: (mockingly making Hainser voice) “Stealing. Let me tell you something.”
Hainser: “How’d this guy know who i was?”
Sid: “What is this? An Orlando Court room? We got you red-fuckin’ handed dude.”
Tim: “You tried to steal Ryan Mickey C Barron’s bagel.”
Hainser: “In my hast to grab my English muffin, I thought it…that was mine. Mine was #21…came up immediately after that and I guess I might have reached for his bagel. But knowing it wasn’t mine, I stepped back and uh, let him enjoy his food. That’s the kind of guy I am.”
Sid: “That’s terrible dude.”
Tim: (laugihing) “What is the kind of guy that you are?”
Sid: “Trying to steal people’s food and shit? what is wrong with you? That’s a bagel.”
Hainser: “I wasn’t trying to steal the food.”
Sid: “You’re only saying you didn’t try because you didn’t accomplish your goal.”
Tim: “You mistakenly…the English muffin?”
Hainser: “I go with the English muffin toasted with butter each morning.”
Tim: (sounding surprised) “Oh.”
Sid: “Okay.”
Hainser: “I used to go for donuts but shit, that didn’t work.”
Sid: “I know. It went straight to your tits.”
Hainser: “Exactly.”
Tim: (whispering) “It’s the pot that knows it’s kettle.”
Sid: “Whatever. Listen, Ryan sent us the tweet.”
Hainser: “How should…”
Sid: (interrupting) “#OnToTheNextOne.”
Hainser: “Can I ask you guys something?”
Tim: “You can say it. Don’t worry.”
Sid: “Go ahead Hainser. Ask your question.”
Hainser: “How do I make good in this now?”
Sid: “Well the first thing you do is…”
Hainser: (interrupting) “How do I reach out to him?”
Sid: “Okay, can you shut up for 3 seconds? The first thing you do is apologize to this kid. His name is Ryan, so could you apologize to Ryan?”
Hainser: “Can I see…”
Sid: (interrupting) “I just told you his name. You don’t need to see shit. Just say I’m sorry.”
Hainser: “Ryan, I am very sorry..uh…”
Sid: “That I tried to steal your shit.”
Hainser: “I’m very sorry that i mistakenly grabbed your bagel or went to grab for your bagel.”
Sid: “You tried to take his shit. Not cool. Keep your hands off people’s food.”
Hainser: “Yes.”
Sid: “It’s very rude. Don’t do it again.”
Hainser: “I’m an asshole.”
Tim: “Plug his…here…plug his blog.”
Sid: “Who’s blog?”
Tim: “His blog.”
Sid: “Oh Ryan? Ryan’s got a blog?”
Hainser: (sarcastically) “Oh, you mean the Mickey C’s Sports and Business blog? It’s a winner.”
Tim: (laughing)
Sid: (still confused) “Wait. Who’s blog? Is this Hainser’s blog?”
Hainser: “The site is Mickey C’s Sport and Business blog by Ryan Barron.”
Tim: “And what does it say up here?”
Sid: “The site where people can go to see it is kinda what i was getting at.”
Hainser: (faintly)
Sid: “Can you do it on mic so people can hear you?”
Tim: “I think we made good on it.”
Sid: “Yeah, I think we’re cool.”
Hainser: “One last thing. @Rynohainser on twitter. Add me.”

Ryan did follow up during the show and gave the following response.

Wheat Kings, Canada Day, The Decision: Part 2, and the NHL Free Agent Frenzy

Ahead By A Century – The Tragically Hip

“It’s Free Agency day in the NHL.
Lockout day in the NBA.
And Canada Day in Canada.
(No, that makes sense.)
Happy Birthday Canada! What up! (What up Canada? haha)”

Happy Canada Tim and Sidizens! While most of us are probably at the Blue Jays game, having a beer on a patio, or just basically relaxing from having a day off, the dudes behind Tim and Sid: Uncut are doing work and providing us all with another episode. No holidays for these guys. Bronsteter is putting in work behind the glass, Noon is on vacation and replaced by Dave Coulson, Tim and Sid are both present, and Rob Pizzo, Mr. Update-less, is present and in the booth to discuss today’s NHL Free Agent day. But first, let’s breakdown the topics for today: Brad Richards, Roger Goodell, Christian Ehrhoff, Jonas Valanciunas, Roy Halladay, Tim and Sid Blog, Dean Blundell Take Two, Erik Cole, NBA.COM, and Canada Day.

The Royal Couple and Waiting 4 Hours to See A 1.8 Second Drive-By
Before the boys begin discussion on what transpired over the last few hours in the NHL, they talk about William and Kate’s recent visit to Ottawa for Canada Day to lighten the mood. Sid throws out the most obvious question about whether anyone saw them earlier in the day during the Canada Day festivities. “Did they sign as a UFA?”, asked Pizzo. “I’d sign that in a second.”, (referring to Kate) replied Sid. Tim followed up with “I think she’s a restricted free agent now though guys. You might have to give a first, a second, and third…” They also discuss all the people that waited on the streets waiting for William and Kate to drive by. Micallef pretty much calls out anyone over the age of 15 that waited on the Hill to watch the Royal Couple drive by a loser 🙂 It seems that Pizzo and Sid agree with that statement and give a great example of someone screaming out, “I waited all day for thhhiiiisssss…” as the Royal Couple drive by in a car going about 60 mil/hr. I’m not sure waiting in a crowd for 4 hours to see someone drive by in 1.8 seconds is really worth it.

95% Chance and Radio’s Margin of Error
Sid also brings up the fact that on today’s show, they’ll try and play the Dean Blundell interview from the Joe Carter Classic Golf Tournament. If you remember, on yesterday’s show, Bronsteter attempted to play the audio and it seemed to break up and was very hard to hear. They ended up having to shut it down and said they’d try again today. Seixeiro asks Aaron if there’s a possibility that the audio works today. According to Bronsteter, they’ve been testing it all day, but in saying that, “Radio has a margin of error period. I’m go to say we have a 95% chance this works.” To which Sid replied, “I’m not saying shit.”

Free Agency Day in the NHL!
It’s free agency day folks in the NHL. That only means one thing on the Tim and Sid: Uncut radio show, lots of hockey talk. To help with discussion and to breakdown many of the signings, Tim and Sid bring in their very own Rob Pizzo to figure everything out that’s happened up to this point.

The first agent signing discussed was regarding Kris Versteeg. The Florida Panthers have acquired Versteeg from the Philadelphia Flyers for two draft picks. The three time 20 goal scorer will hopefully give a boost to the Panthers offensive line. But according to Sid, “The best part of the Panthers story is the fact that their salary was .80 cents coming into today.” From what I can gather, you have to hit the basement and today was literally a shopping spree for them, they had to make moves or they couldn’t play. Besides Versteeg, the Panthers also signed veteren, Ed Jovanovski to 16.5 million over 4 years. The guys are not sure this was the brightest move though, “He’s 35 and he’s only getting better.”, said Sid sarcastically. Pizzo made a great analogy when he compared all the signings by the Panthers today to the film Brewster’s Millions; just spending money because it’s required. Other deals made by the desperate Panthers included: Jose Theodore to a 2 year deal worth $3 million, and Scottie Upshall to a 4 year deal worth $14 million. Panthers be shoppin’!

BREAKING NEWS! Speaking of shoppin’, the Buffalo Sabres just signed Ville Leino to a 6 year, $27 million contract. Holy shit! The guys seemed pretty surprised by the signing but all agree that they love what “TERRY PEGULA” is doing. Pizzo is a little shocked that Leino didn’t resign with the Flyers but Tim makes a great point that with Richards and Carter sent packing several weeks ago, it was only a matter of time before Leino would have wanted to move, “Those guys were his boys.”, added Tim. Now that the Sabres have acquired Leino and Christian Ehrhoff (earlier in the day, the Sabres signed Ehrhoff to a 10 year, $40 million deal), and with Miller in net, Tim wants to know “where do you put these guys?” Seixeiro believes it’s still a little too early to tell and we’ll have to wait and see where Brad Richards and some of the other free agents land. They also briefly talk about the fact that while the Flyers no longer have Leino, they did however pick up Max Talbot and Jaromir Jagr.

Another big name available today during the free agent frenzy is Brad Richards of the Dallas Stars. Richards seemd to be the most talked about free agent today and many teams have sent representatives to Mississauga in an attempt to sign the UFA Centre. Teams that are said to have the best chances of signing Richards are the L.A Kings and New York Rangers. The crazy thing about whoever signs Richards is that the first 2 years of his contract will be the max $12.8 million – crazy numbers. The guys play a guessing game: Sid believes he’ll sign something around $80 million, while Pizzo and Tim think it wll run between $60 – $70 million. But Sid makes a valid point, “He’s the best of the bad bunch. How can he not?” Pizzo believes the fact that Richards is 31 will prevent him from making that kind of loot. Other deals quickly mentioned here include Marco Sturm who just signed with the Vancouver Canucks. Micallef thinks it’s an okay deal because “they needed someone to protect the Sedins. What happened to them in Vancouver was ridiculous.”

Being from Toronto, you knew the guys were going get into some Maple Leaf talk and discuss the moves the team has made so far today. Oh wait, “after a few months of heavy talk, Brian Burke hasn’t done a fucking thing.”, cried Sid. Leafs nation has been completely silent today as no moves have been made. Pizzo throws out the idea that maybe Burke is scrambling behind the scenes in an attempt to get Richards. But Sid’s not hearing it, “We hear a lot of tough talk from guys, but sign somebody for fuck sakes. Go get Kaberle, anything! Your team is shit, your tickets are overpriced. Go get something for your fans to talk about today and put a smile on their fucking faces.”, screamed Seixeiro. Sid makes a good point though, if your team has been losing they way the Leafs have been losing for the last few years, you have to do something. The Leafs are plain bad right now – they have to do something. The guys then focus on Brad Richards a little bit more and suggest that maybe TSN do a Decision 2 with him (LeBron James’ spinoff). So many teams are trying to get this guy; ideal set up would be Gord Miller conducting an interview with Richards in a gymnasium.

Other deals mentioned briefly are:
1. Roman Hamrlik is off to Washington
2. Joel Ward is gone to Washington
3. The Montreal Canadiens have picked up Erik Cole
4. Semyon Varlomov is now an Av
5. Sheldon Souray is now a Dallas Star

They briefly touch on the Semyon Varlomov deal that saw the Capitals netminder head to the Colorado Avalanche for 2 draft picks (1st pick in 2012, and 2nd round pick). The team is definitely rolling the dice on Varlomov because no one has really seen what this kid could do yet. He could be a great or he could be bad. If this deal goes badly for the Avs and they suck big time next year, Sid thinks this could be worse than the Phil Kessel deal as the 2012 draft lottery looks pretty good so far.

A special Canada Day match game in celebration of today’s NHL Free Agency. Some great responses from Tim and Sidizens and the guys working the show include:
– A Kardashian because they’re whores (Sid)
– Paris Hilton (Dave Coulson)
– Ecuadorian Hookers (Pizzo)
– Confirmation Tweets from the 3-letter insiders (Hainser Nation)
– Twit pics of the Canuck flasher
– Hainser’s Shake Weight
– More than blame thrown around at the Joe Carter Classic on lost taped interviews 

Pizzo also throws out the answer Pippa but this seems to be where the guys think he’s crossed the line and pretty much ask him to leave. “Thanks for doing this Pizzo (regarding all the NHL discussion above). Go home and get some coke and sleep. Do whatever you do.” To which Pizzo has no response and just chuckles as he leaves the booth.

Interesting Facts From Pizzo’s Update
* There were none. Pizzo worked 4 hours today and was uable to find three updates to discuss. Hopefully he’ll have the strength on Tuesday. He has no reason not too.

Hainser’s Corner
* Check out the blog entry and transcript below for the very special Canada Day Hainser’s Corner. 

Dean Blundell, Deep Fried Asparagus, and Take Two
As mentioned above, Bronsteter was going to give it more try to see if he could air the interview with Dean Blundell from the Joe Carter Golf Classic Tournament. This time – it was a success. Again, one of the men that sat down with Tim and Sid during the event was Toronto’s own, Dean Blundell from the Edge. As he’s sitting, Tim and Sid are giving him props, but it seems the feeling is mutual. “Does it really matter, you guys are so National, so huge.”, replied Blundell. Tim begins to discuss the fact that people started tweeting for Blundell to go meet the boys and that’s why he showed up at the clubhouse – he wanted to sit down and say hi to the guys. “If you tweet something, people will do it.”

Sid goes on to ask Blundell how the Fried Asparagus was?  “Is there swearing on this show? (he obviously doesn’t listen to Tim and Sid: Uncut) They completely screw up vegetables. They have fucked up asparagus; they deep fried it.” Tim goes on to mention that Sid loves everything deep fried, but Blundell continues to disagree, “They fucked this asparagus up.” Toddy Tickles then shows up and you could hear him in the background a little bit. Tickles can’t believe they are allowed to swear on the show, so he joins right in by mentioning something about sticking the deep fried asparagus up someone’s ass. “Deep fried in the bowel’s of grease.”, replies Blundell. The interview does get a little crazy as it continues with topics such as masturbating in excitement for sport idols, not being allowed to talk over one another in radio, Tickles has a sore back from too much sex, and the news that Chris Hansen (To Catch A Predator) was busted on camera for having an affair to which Blundell asks, “Was he having intercourse? Was he up in the guts?” The interview does turn serious for the one second though as Blundell goes on to thank Joe Carter for putting off the event and all the other athletes for showing up and playing some golf. According to Dean, the athletes do this pro bono and do not make a dime – big ups for everyone that showed up in support of the Children’s Aid Foundation.

TimSidizen and the Tim and Sid: Uncut Review Blog
* I’m currently doing up an entry discussing my experiences at the Score, the gifts/swag from the boys, and a look at the behind-the-scenes of the Tim and Sid: Uncut radio show. Keep an eye out very soon.

Things we Learned This Week
1. Devon White was a better Centre Fielder than Kenny Lofton, according to Devon White
2. Ecuadorian Prostitutes are irresistible but they’ll steal from you
3. The Inaugural Score Hall of Fame has a fairly big first class
4. Justin Bieber looks like Marcy D’Arcy
5. Star Jones wheezes heavily when she speaks
6. The Hockey Hall of Fame is easy to get into
7. I (Aaron Bronsteter) should never speak on Gordie Howe’s behalf ever again

Rapid Fire
– Shia LaBeouf said he hooked up with Megan Fox on the set of Transformers and he wasn’t sure if she was dating Brian Austin Green at the time. CUT or UNCUT, banging someone you know that may be in a relationship? I stand by the UNCUT, Green was on 90210, no respect.
– A love letter written by Michael Jordan when he was 18 was leaked to the press. Have you ever written a love letter to a girl? It all depends who and how hot the chick is…if there’s potential to get some, a love letter could be warranted. That’s why Google is so great because you could just copy something from there.
– What’s your favourite thing about Canada? Too many things: the air, the people, the country as a whole. It’s great to be a Canadian! How many countries can you start a blog in and be recognized by the guys that provide the inspiration. Un-fucking-believable.

Amazing show today. Obviously this will be a biased review as I was in the damn thing. How can you give it anything less than 10/10? Plus, they worked on a holiday, who can take away anything from that. I especially liked the NHL frenzy discussion on Brad Richards and the lack of effort today by Brian Burke. The dude needs to stop shopping because it isn’t going to start on it’s own. Lucky for Bronsteter that the Dean Blundell audio finally worked – I had a feeling that Seixeiro would have thrown the headset through the glass if it hadn’t 😉 Failure on Pizzo’s part though for not providing an update – but I know the boy was tired. They did manage to squeeze in a Hainser’s Corner which never ceases to amaze me. Overall, great show, there didn’t seem to be any down time and I appreciated the boys letting me sit in, behind the glass and then later in the booth. Happy Canada everybody; hope you all had a wonderful weekend. Good job boys and have a great holiday 10/10.

Hainser’s Corner: Epis. 9

Hainser’s Corner #9
Happy Canada Tim and Sidizens! What a country we are – we have Molson Canadian, Beaver Tails, The Tragically Hip, and now, Hainser’s Corner. This was a very special Canadian Hainser’s Corner episode for me personally because I was sitting in the booth watching the the myth himself, Ryan Hains. I’ll provide more information about him later, but for now, here’s how the segment went down.

(Hainser bursts through the door)
Tim: “What are you typing into the computer?”
Sid: “You’re going to be here for 4 minutes.”
Hainser: “My username so I can look something up. I, uh, pleasure to all Tim and Sidizens. Ryno Hainser here, what’s going on Sid? Check me on twitter @rynohainser; What’s up?”
Sid: “Okay, you know how this works; yet you act surprised everytime you come in here. We’re going to ask you some Rapid Fire questions and let’s end with those lines. Don’t tell people where your after party is going to be. I don’t give a shit. Just answer the questions.”
Hainser: “Okay.”
Sid: “The first thing that pops in your head.”
Hainser: “You got your pennies in a knot today, eh?”
Sid: “Shut the fu…”.
Tim: “Pennies in a knot?”
Sid: “He said pennies in a knot.”
Hainser: “Panties!”
Sid: “Hmm, I heard pennies.”

1. Kate Middleton? “Uh hot, but your sister’s hotter.” (Sid: I like when you personally talk to the people.) (Tim: He doesn’t have a sister.) (Sid: No, like Kate Middleton’s sister.) (Tim: Oh, her sister. I thought you said he’s sister.) “I’ve seen his brother. I don’t know how the gene pool…” (Sid: Oh, you better shut the fuck up.)
2. Jonas Valanciunas? “Uh, the guy looks like a beast. His stat line yesterday in that FIBA game was, uh, was a thing for Raptor fans to…” (Sid: Too many words.)
3. Count Chocula? “Gary Bettman.”
4. Ed Jovanovski? “4.25 million? Are you fuckin’ kiddin’ me? Whoa. Whoa.”
5. Transformers 3? “Megan Fox is in it?” (Sid: She got fired. Ironically enough.)
6. Kris Versteeg gets passed around more than__________? “Hmm, come back to me. I pass.” (Tim: you can’t pass.) (Sid: Didn’t you hear what noise he just made?) (Tim: That wasn’t his mouth.)
7. Recording two interviews at a Joe Carter Golfing Tournament and losing them completely? “Whoa. Was I on the board?” (Sid: You weren’t.) (Tim: I thought it was going to be “Been there, done that.”)
8. The Buffalo Sabres? “Congratulations to Terry Pegula and the Buffalo Sabres. They are the winners on today’s Free Agent frenzy – Fucking amazing moves.”
9. Small Titties? “Oh beastings eh? Well, if the girl’s good lookin’, we’re all good.” (Sid: Did you say beastings or bee stings?) “Bee Stings!”

Hainser’s Corner: Epis. 8

The guys received an email today from a Tim and Sidizen asking whether eating on the shitter was CUT or UNCUT? There was huge debate and they felt it would be good to have an impromptu Hainser’s Corner to get Ryan Hains’ take on the whole thing.

During the opening theme, Tim and Sid were both pretty funny while ensuring Hainser knew his place.

Sid: “This is gonna be the shortest Hainser’s Corner ever.”
Tim: “Play the beat, play the theme. Don’t open the computer, you’re not staying long.”
Sid: “Don’t open the computer! Don’t take off your jacket.”
Tim: “I’m against this.”

Sid: “We’re gonna ask you one question and then I need for you to get the fuck out.”
Hainser: “It’s just…it’s like that?”
Sid: “It’s always been like that.”
Hainser: (Hainser starting screaming) “@RynoHainser on Twitter.”
Sid: “Shut the fuck up! Don’t even, don’t even start. Don’t Babba Booey this. Shut the fuck up! One simple question.”
Hainser: “Yes.”
Sid: “Actually two. Have you ever eaten while on the shitter and two, how recently if the answer is yes, have you done it?”
Hainser: “No. I don’t eat while I’m on the shitter but I love reading my magazines when I’m on the shitter. I do that all the time. Lots of great reading time there.”
Sid: “Ladies and Gentlemen, Hainser’s Corner”