Sid’s Statute #2: Pull Out

“Taj Gibson dunks on D-Wade, Kevin Durant dunks on Memphis, and Rebecca Black’s boyfriend dunks on Rebecca Black.” We’re back Tim and Sidizens…..another Monday has arrived and another week of Tim and Sid: Uncut is upon us. Noon, Bronsteter, and Sid are in the studio, while Uncle Timmy continues to soak up the sun in Turks and Caicos. After a huge weekend of news, topics for today include: KJ Choi, Henrik Sedin, Doc Rivers, Jose Bautista, Cristiano Ronaldo, Russell Westbrook, Donald Trump, Jorge Posada, SNL, and Ray Hudson of GolTV. Who the fuck is Ray Hudson you ask? According to Sid, if you’ve watched any soccer on the Score in the last 2 years, you’ll recognize the voice.

Before Sid could get into some serious sport chat, it was important for him to raise some breaking news that was brought to his attention the other night regarding Rebecca Black – “The 8 year old who sang that piece of shit song, Friday. The same girl that made a shit load of money and has over 100 million views on her Friday video.” Anyways, as Sid was flipping through tweet world, he noticed that CNN iReport was reporting that Ms. Black was pregnant. Of course, this kind of news immediately makes Sid’s brain tick and he started coming up with the dirtiest arrangements for her stupid song, Friday. Noon threw out one the funnier suggestions, “Friday, Friday, it’s feels better bareback Friday.” But what the fuck! She’s 14 years old. Sid threw out some great parental advice, “There’s no other way to fuck up the fame you stumbled into, than to get pregnant. Life has given you a gift with this shitty song about Friday. Kids, if you’re listening to this and you got a boyfriend or a girlfriend, and you’re thinking of have sex, do me a favour, PULL OUT!” Noon suggested an interesting theory – maybe Black is being offered a shit load of money to star in the show, 16 and Pregnant? (more like 14 and pregnant). And who could disagree with Noon’s statement about the theory, “I’m going to make money because fuckin’ teenagers are dumb fucks and will watch anything.” It’s true; there’s a lot of shit on T.V. that was never around when I was a teenager. However, by the end of the Rebecca Black talk, Bronsteter had some breaking news that revealed Black’s latest tweet regarding the rumoured pregnancy, “I’m denying the whole thing. I’m absolutely not pregnant.” Sigh of relief from Sid, but he still thinks the song is shit. My only thought is what do you expect for $2000, auto-tune, and shitty “D” level producers.

Western Conference Finals Blueprint
Once Seixeiro taught all the kids about the importance of pulling out, he got into the topic of the WCF matchup between the Sharks and Canucks. If you’re from Canada, you have to know that Vancouver came from behind last night and took game 1 with a score of 3 – 2. And after such an exciting game, Sid believes game 1 was “the blueprint of how this series is going to go. It was tight, there was animosity, and players like Kesler and Thornton were trying to kill each other trying to get position at the face-off circle.” Sid’s convinced that the series is going to look like this from here on out. He was impressed with the Canucks however and their ability to come from behind, have a Sedin twin finally step up, and Lapierre’s ability to continue throwing his weight around. It’s going to 7 games though and Sid feels the Sharks will come right back and even up the series in game 2.

Seixeiro’s NHL vs. NBA Rant
“Whoever’s scheduling at the NHL office in New York should be fucking fired.” Like many sport fans, you’re probably aware that the VAN/SJS and MIA/CHI games were on at the same time last night. WTF? It appears that the NHL decided to go head-to-head with the NBA. And with 11.1 million people tuning into the basketball game last night, the VAN/SJS game lost out big time. With those numbers that the MIA/CHI game brought in, the the NBA set a cable viewing record. How can the NHL compete with those numbers? Even Sid watched more basketball than hockey last night. The atmosphere at the United Centre (no, not because of Oprah) was unreal; it seemed like an NBA Final. “Marv Albert’s panties were in a bunch.” said Sid. If you missed the highlights from the game, check out this one in particular.

And to think that the NHL are going head-to-head again Wednesday night. Sid throws down some #realtalk, “Canucks/Sharks head-to-head with the Heat/Bulls in the States? What are you smoking?” Better get your PiP working Tim and Sidizens.

The record set by the NBA for viewers in game 1 of the Eastern Conference Finals also brings up an important point Bronsteter made on Friday. He believes that the numbers will be higher for this series than the actual NBA Finals. Seixeiro thinks he’s full of shit and completely wrong. However I have to side with Orville; there’s no way a DAL/CHI, or CHI/OKC finals bring in better numbers if the Heat are bumped from the playoffs. I’ll be keeping an eye on these numbers. I’m still waiting for the boys to man up and make a bet with one another.

And what’s a Tim and Sid: Uncut radio show without the guys randomly going off topic. Around this point of the show, Sid mentioned that he watched the film Anchorman over the weekend twice – I managed to only watch it the one time. I don’t have that much time on my hands to watch television Sid…ah, the life of a P-list celebrity. Who can forget Afternoon Delight?

Interesting Facts From Pizzo’s Update
1. After sex, Pizzo gets hungry and thristy. He pulls out and the lady of the house says, “What’s your name and where ya going?”

2. In 1999, the Mets wanted to drop Bobby Bonilla from its roster. Unfortunately for them, he still had one year left on his contract. So the Mets and Bonilla agreed upon a contract which would allow them to release Bonilla. Bonilla deferred nearly $6 million with the team and they added an 8% interest rate that would start in 2011. Come July, the Mets will have to pay Bonilla $1.2 million for the next 25 years. That original $5.9 million is now nearly $30 million. Wow, Bobby be shoppin’!
3. Florida Gators Ja’Juan Story has a pre-game ritual. He takes a “doo-doo” before every game and then listens to Katy Perry.
4. In Saturday’s BOS/TBL game 1, the announcer asked for a moment of silence for Derek Boogaard who recently passed away. The moment of silence last 5.4 seconds; so much for being sincere. Where’s the respect?

Mind the GAP!
Guest Time! As mentioned earlier, it was a crazy week in sports and the football world was no different. Today’s guest was Mr. Ray Hudson, a retired professional football player and former coach who currently works as an English-language football commentator on Gol TV. As we all know, Sid will periodically get into random football rants with little acknowledgment from the guys. So I’m sure he was pumped up to get some views on the football world from Hudson and actually have a conversation with someone about the sport. Sid’s first question was in regards to which was a bigger headline in England recently. Manchester United’s 19th title, or Manchester City ending their 35 year trophy list drought? Ray believes that the accomplishment by City to remove their “trophy ticker” was a huge feat. 35 years is a long time for any team to go without a trophy, “It was great to see them hoist the cup.” He was pleased to see ManU win once again, but it’s always been ManU since he was a little kid, so “it’s good to see the dog have it’s day.” Conversation then flowed into the topic of the English Premiership and the Spanish League. According to Hudson, “The selling of the English Premiership is a wonderful thing and the fans are fantastic.” But it kills him when he sees players like Rooney spitting in the camera, especially after England’s showing in South Africa. It’s time for some of these guys to get off their high horse. While it is on the rise, Hudson believes that, “The Spanish League and Spanish Football is still light years ahead.”

Before Sid let Hudson go, he did want to ask him what he thought Sir Alex Ferguson’s game plan might be when going up against Barcelona? Hudson pretty much spelt out who he thought would win the Champions League on May 28th at Wembley Stadium.“Barcelona are incontainable, their incredible passing, they’re magic. So what can you do? ManU has tremendous pace and their players can hurt you. But they’ve got to capitalize on their chances if they want a chance. Barcelona will hurt you and put it in the net.” Both Sid and Ray did chat briefly about Cristiano Ronaldo and the fact that he just equaled the single season goal scoring record in Spainish League with 38 goals. With such a feat, both men are shocked that he will not win the FIFA Player of the Year. Great interview with Hudson! I’m one of those that originally recognized the voice, but had no idea who the guy was. I have to admit, for the amount of soccer I watch (close to nil), Sid’s little soccer rants/interviews with guys like Sharman and now Hudson, is beginning to make the sport a little more interesting.

Rapid Fire
Nice Rapid Fire by Bronsteter! The last couple of days on the show  have been so full of edu-tainment, he hasn’t been able to get a whole lot in or just has run out of time. But it’s okay, what he does deliver to Tim and Sidizens is usually gold.
– KJ Choi won the Player’s Championship yesterday. If Tiger Woods was out of golf, who would you like to see as the face of the sport? I would like to Rory McIlroy as the spokesperson…..he’s a young kid and dresses in same attire I might when I hit the course.
– Ashton Kutcher was named Charlie Sheen’s replacement on 2 1/2 men. Will the show be better or worse? I don’t think it will be worse, but it won’t be better. Sheen was hilarious on that show, comedic timing, etc. No replacing him there.
– Former NBA player and current Charlotte Bobcat assistant coach, Charles Oakley, claimed he was beaten up by security guards at a casino in Vegas. How many security guards did it take to beat up Oakley? I’m going to throw out the number 8. Claimed to be one of the toughest guys in the NBA once; he don’t take shit.

Great show by the guys. The Rebecca Black news was up there with some of the Bin Laden quotes. Sid threw out some great points regarding the NHL vs. NBA on television – horrible choice by scheduling officials. I really enjoyed the interview with Ray Hudson. He sounds like a real knowledgeable person and his passion for football came loud and clear through the airways. Great way to start off the week – 9/10.